Everything I learned about life I learned by watching TGIF

Most young children acquire the knowledge and experiences that they use to shape the type of person they become from their parents, grandparents, close aunts or uncles, teachers, coaches or piers.Not me.Not even a little bit.Which isn’t to say I didn’t have people around me that could have taught me the appropriate life lessons, it’s just that I had a more qualified and enjoyable tutor; ABC’s 2 hour Friday night line-up of lovable sitcoms known by it’s now well copied moniker of T.G.I.F (not to be confused with that restaurant overloaded with waitresses weighed down by flair that you and your buddies stop at when Buffalo Wild Wings is closed). Each show taught me something new, something different and something that would help me along the rocky road of adolescence.Here is a tidbit of what each of those half-hour long life sessions taught me:

Full House:

An original entry into the T.G.I.F line-up but one that found it’s more recognizable place on Tuesday evenings.A lot of hip 20-somethings today like to claim that this show was, “like totally my favorite when I was a kid.”The truth is, if you go back and watch the re-runs the show is not only poorly assembled but many of the scenes are downright uncomfortable to watch.Now that I’ve said my piece I’ll go ahead and admit that I watched the damn show every week until an age that I’d much rather not admit to.Here is what I learned from Uncle Joey, Danny, Kimmy Gibbler and the whole gang:

*You don’t have to have a mother to have a blast; three corny, middle-aged white men can do the job just fine

*If you grow up in you will inevitably have a run-in with the Beach Boys, and that run-in will be glorious

*Play an adorable, somewhat sassy little girl on a family sitcom and use the phrase, “You got it dude,” at least once and episode and you will one day grow up to rule the world

*Old guys who like cartoons, can make funny voices and live in the basement are cool

*Everyone has an annoying teenage girl living next door.The best way to deal with that girl is to berate her with insults about how strange her home life is and how badly her feet smell

*Tough guys have pink bunnies stenciledon their bedroom walls

Boy Meets World:

Personally my favorite addition to the historic T.G.I.F. ensemble, and one that I wished was as replayed on basic cable as much as some of the other shows are.Although the early seasons are more solidly constructed with better story lines, I still enjoyed the later years when the show got a little goofy and seemingly “jumped the shark.”Either way, this program was jammed packed with life lessons, and I thus got my fill of them:

*Every high school has one dominant bully, and that bully will most certainly be dressed in a black leather jacket, tight jeans and speak as though he came directly from an audition to play a ‘Greaser” in an Outsiders remake.

*Little sisters are expendable.In some cases they can go missing for an extended period of time, returning as a different person all together and no one will have missed them or be all the wiser to her extensive absence

*If you have an elderly, loveable teacher who sounds like Kit from Knight Rider don’t worry, he will always remain your teacher no matter what your age or grade

*A Topanga is not a kind of tofu platter

*Living in a trailer park and without a mother doesn’t make you white trash.It means that you are dangerous and can have any girl you want, no matter how much flannel you wear

*When you go to college it’s just like high school, with all the same people and teachers, only with a couple colorful new friends added in

*Cool people wait until marriage to have sex with their girlfriend of 10 years

That’s all for now folks, next time I’ll enlighten you on how Step by Step, Family Matters and Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper provided me with enough knowledge about life to make it through Junior High…..