I hate you. Yes, you, the person reading this right now, I hate you and everything you stand for and I wouldn’t mind seeing you get run over by a train, in fact, I would probably laugh. Why do I hate you? Well, here are the possible reasons:




  1. You drive in front of me and don’t go as fast as I want to go.
  2. You ride your bike in the road when I’m driving.
  3. You drive your car in the road when I’m riding my bike.
  4. You do not start accelerating as soon as the light turns green.
  5. You designed the traffic lights in Iowa City.
  6. You made a commercial that contains the sound of a siren, alarm clock, and/or cell-phone.
  7. You are Carlos Mencia.
  8. You have purchased a Nickelback album.
  9. You are Nickelback.
  10. You insulted Bob Dylan.
  11. You’ve got what I need: A pretty little daughter that we call Mixie.
  12. You don’t know what #11 is a reference to.
  13. You complain about bands that “sell out”.
  14. You voted for George W. Bush.
  15. You voted for John Kerry.
  16. You are a vegetarian.
  17. You think that you are better than me.
  18. You are better than me.
  19. You think that your opinion is the only one that matters.
  20. You don't realize that my opinion is the only one that matters
  21. You wear a shirt with a lame saying like “Get your tickets to the gun show”.
  22. You wear a large belt buckle.
  23. You wear jeans with that are pre-ripped or pre-stained.
  24. You wear giant sunglasses.
  25. You wear snow boots with shorts or a skirt.
  26. You have blonde hair and dark eyebrows.
  27. You talk in a loud, high-pitched voice.
  28. You mention Paris Hilton and/or Britney Spears in everyday conversation.
  29. You are not from the south and display a Confederate flag in some form.
  30. You are from the south.
  31. You are racist.
  32. You are black.
  33. You are offended by jokes.
  34. You teach a collegecourse and have no ability to speak understandable English.
  35. You do not speak English.
  36. You comment any variation of “first” on the internet.
  37. You comment about the amount of time you missed "first" by.
  38. You are fat.
  39. You are over the age of 30.
  40. You are under the age of 18.
  41. You have a lame inspirational quote on your Facebook or Myspace page.
  42. You brag about how much you drink.
  43. You don’t drink.
  44. You eat pickles.
  45. You like crunchy peanut butter.
  46. You don't like creamy peanut butter.
  47. You don’t smoke.
  48. You smoke when I am trying to quit.
  49. You shoot up when I am trying to quit.
  50. You don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
  51. Your a police officer.
  52. You just corrected my grammar.