You know those uncomfortable moments of silence when you're hanging out with someone you're on a date with, or just hanging out in his or her room (our generation's replacement of actual dates)? Regardless of how much you "connect," those little patches of "so..um..uh.." are inevitable. Instead of freaking out, embrace this adolescent blast from the past!
Middle school was everyone's peak years; we were all in the same boat of physical transformation, everyone's style choices were questionable, and we all wondered when we'd get our periods, right guys? Bring sexy back by declaring it a Middle School Date.
Things to do on the MSD:
Play "Marry, Bury, Screw" : Jesus, Mary, or Joseph; Mom, Dad, Sibling/pet; Santa, the Easter Bunny, or a Leprechaun; a show pony, a great ape, Roseanne Arnold; Ricky Martin, Enrique Iglesias, Marc Antony?
Get out the retainers, because your parents did not pay all that money to have your teeth go back to how they were
Stuff wherever you believe there should be more packing. I swear it'll come soon, everyone has different schedules
Have your mom call every 15 minutes "just to check in," because otherwise you will get an STD and die.
Whatever liquor could go unnoticed from as many bottles as you can, make into a "sweet mood setter" and sip classily throughout the night.
Gents: over gel your hair, over cologne your body, over-emphasize how you've been in this situation before. Ladies love hearing about all the other girls you've been with because you're sooo smooth.
Ladies: over gloss your lips (something cherry or obnoxiously fruity), spray Tommy Girl until it really seeps into your pores, and put your hair in a high ponytail. This isn't "80s night," so don't pull that leg warmer bullshit. We're from the 90s, moron.
Put on JockJams, "NOW That's What I Call Music!" volumes 1-9, or Backstreet Boys, and let the mood ride.
What's funny is that the outcomes we hoped for then and now aren't very different. Awkward groping is a universal want, so pay it some fucking respect.