Buying a package of condoms is quite possibly one of man's greatest dilemmas. Every aspect of the purchase; how many, the timing, what kind, what else is bought, is inevitably used by the cashier as basis for assumptions about how fucked up your sexual encounters are. If you buy a 36 pack of Trojan Twisted Pleasure Condoms at 1:39 AM on a Saturday night along with a dog leash and a 36 inch wide roll of Saran wrap, for example, certain things could be misconstrued. Yeah, she's SURE you just saw the condoms on sale, you just bought a puppy, and you have to pack 200 sandwiches for your little brother's class field trip.
To help avoid these awkward situations, here are some combinations of common store items you should NOT buy with condoms, no matter how innocent your true agenda may be.
Do not buy condoms with the following:
- Hot dogs.
- Bananas, cucumbers, baseball bat, Crisco vegetable spread.
- Ski mask, duct tape.
- "Happy Birthday, Mom" card.
- Whipped cream, Maraschino cherries, crow bar.
- Bratwurst, toilet plunger.
- Disposable camera, tarp, pudding.
- Jumper cables, car battery, first aide kit.
- Teddy-Bear, hand lotion, training bra.