If I was gay, I would have sex with Hugh Jackman.

If I was a woman, I would have sex with Hugh Jackman.

If I was magic, I would turn myself into Patrick Stewart, so I can star opposite
Hugh Jackman in the X-men movies.

If I was Wayne Gretzky, I would use my celebrity to get closer to Hugh Jackman.

If I was Hugh Jackman, I would stop ignoring fan mail requesting autographed
8X10s of my torso.

If I was taller, I would better be able to see over the hedges at Hugh Jackman's
summer home.

If I was a judge, I would revoke any and all restraining orders requested by
Hugh Jackman.

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