Everyone has that one friend (read: jackass) who uses abbreviations for just about everything online. Some of these are common, whereas others might be in Arabic, Japanese, or even Braille. Listed below are some useful translations for all of the funky fresh online jive.

A/S/L – Legal? / I want to have it with you / Within 200 miles?
BRBI'm going to keep talking to everyone but you
BTWI almost forgot, your mom died while you were in Panama City for spring break. Don't worry about the funeral, you didn't miss much.
D&D – I have no life whatsoever. And neither do you anymore, judging by my +68 Wizard spell! Fucking n00b.
FTWFor The Win
Boston Celtics
FUCK YOUas stated
IDKI'm trying to download porn, stop asking so many damn questions
KISSPopular band among transvestites and gays
LMAOLaughing My Arse Off
LMFAOLet My Fat Aunt Ophelia have sex with you, she's been pretty lonely lately. C'mon, she just got a boob job! Ok ok, I'll give you 50 dollars. No making fun of her though, or the deal's off. No I don't think this is sick, she's paying my tuition so I'm just trying to be nice in return. She's fucking lonely, her husband died twenty years ago. Alright you know what I'll just do it myself, but don't go thinking you'll be my one call from prison when I get arrested for incest. Asshole.
MILF Mom I'd Like to Fuck
MIFMom I Fucked
MMWFBMBFANWASAMy Mom Was Fucked By My Best Friend And Now We Aren't Speaking Anymore
OMGNo, really, your story is soooooooo interesting. Keep typing while I google homemade bomb directions.
OMGWTFBBQYes, I love barbecues!! Wait, it's possum? Fucking gross.
ROFLRolling On the Floor Laughing at how unbelievably stupid you are. Really, were you raised by retarded hyenas? How the hell did microwaving a kitten wrapped in aluminum foil seem like a good idea to you? Did it work the last 3 times? No? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. Next time I'm calling the cops, swear to God.
ROFLCOPTERRolling On the Floor of a helicopter, Laughing.
SBDI know you can't smell it, but I just ripped a wicked rancid fart and I wanted you to know. Trust me, if you were here you'd be dying. BRB, changing my boxers.
TMIToo Much Information. Seriously, don't you think it would be a good idea not to tell me about how you blew the entire lacrosse team last week? Honestly, I don't even remember your first name and you go and drop that shit on me. What's that? Audrey? Well guess what "Audrey," you can consider yourself dumped.
TTYLSee you in Hell
WTFRemember when you told me that story about when you got fired from the zoo for fellating a zebra? You don't?? You literally told me like 5 minutes ago. Well I honestly have no clue how to react. It's just numbingly gross.
Z – Seriously dude, a fucking zebra???