Dear "I feel.." Girl,

It's really wonderful you feel empassioned enough about a topic to speak up in class. More and more, I hear stories of how women are being silenced by their own volition, and am saddened by it. Are these women fearful of appearing like a feminazi, or do they just love hearing only the brawny texture of a man's voice too much to speak up?

Either way, congrats. Something that we need to have a little heart-to-heart about, however, is your incessant use of the phrase "I feel…", sometimes changing it up and tossing in a "I think that.." or "Just my opinion, but…"

Where I'm guessing you've gotten confused and are compelled to do something is how you think we interpret what you're saying. I'm just gonna lay this out for you: when you open your mouth to speak, there isn't a moment when I think, "Holy shit. Did God just replace that dumpy girl in the back row? Because what she's saying right now has got to be the rational, absolute truth. No other possibility."

This is due to the fact that you, in all your self-righteous, i'm-such-an-individual glory, seemed to have missed the basic concept that when you read off the little mental teleprompter, of fucking course it's what you "feel."

Feeling, thinking, having an opinion…yeah, all the same thing. You're processing information, and by some crapshoot in the genetic pool, are able to convey your reaction to it. By prefacing each sentence with "I feel…" you're insulting our intelligence. You're eliminating any potential for pertinent, on-topic, and fruitful classroom discussion. You're a bitch, to boot.

Don't let me stop you from blathering on about how "no one knows all the deaths in (insert African country-enduring-crisis of the week), so think about that" or something else you're only nominally passionate about.

But that's just how I feel.