Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
I Think Jelly Has Been Editing My Wikipedia...
June 8, 2007
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
(also known as
) is an unattractive, greasy paste made primarily from peanuts and mouse droppings. It is popular primarily in the
, where fat people eat it by the spoonful.
In 1890, suspected communist
George A Bayle Jr.
created peanut butter as a kind of cement to bind
to the gums.
Soon after an unknown child did the unthinkable and combined the paste with delicious jelly on a piece of bread. By 1904 people everywhere were tainting perfectly delicious
sandwiches by smearing on greasy peanut butter. In 1929 the
. Sometime later, an unknown person coined the term "
" which is like saying Garfunkle and Simon.
Because of peanut butter's high
, grease and
, it is an ideal food to give to recovering
whose taste buds are so damaged that they don't even mind the taste.[
have wisely banned peanut butter due to increasingly prevalent and deadly
in American children. It is estimated that as many as five thousand children die every year due to peanut allergies. Despite health concerns, however, peanut butter is still stocked in almost every American
. Unlike peanut allergies, fruit allergies are extremely rare and almost never fatal.
Origins In The Middle East
Peanut butter was first introduced to the region by
who brought it home from business trips in
. Due to Peanut Butter's unnaturally long shelf life, it is an ideal food for desert and cave-dwelling peoples.
Osama Bin Laden
, the terrorist leader responsible for the
, has supposedly credited peanut butter with giving him the mobility his needs to elude
Fruit products, free from the
chemical preservatives in peanut butter
, would never keep long enough to allow a terrorist to escape the arm of justice for so long.
The J.M. Smucker company Makers of fine fruit jams and jellies.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.