Is that "thing in your fridge": Food (0 points) A food container (1 point) Shelving (2 points) A motor (3 points)
It is located: On the top shelf, in the front (0 points) In a storage compartment on the the door (1 point) In the crisper, behind an onion that's beginning to germinate (2 points) Hiding in the dark behind the Arm & Hammer baking soda (3 Points)
Upon smelling my food, I: Smile (0 points) Have to think for a second (1 point) Have uncontrollable muscle spasms (2 points) Wake up in intensive care while my parents weep by my side
When I poke my food, it: Does nothing (0 points) Jiggles (1 point) Moves out of the way (2 points) Publishes an essay in The New Yorker about why poking food is childish and annoying. (3 points)
The slogan on my food's wrapper says: "Meal, or no meal?" (0 points) "Talk to the ham!" (1 point) "Don't burn-baby-burn: Crisco inferno" (2 points) "Buy war bonds" (3 points)
My food came from: The grocery store, pre-wrapped (0 points) A fancy restaurant (1 point) A BBQ last week or last summer, I don't remember (2 points) Hell (3 points)
When I put my food in the microwave, it: Gets warmer (0 points) Explodes (1 point) Mysteriously remains the same temperature (2 points) Screams for mercy (3 points).
My food's hair looks like the hairstyle of the following celebrity: Vin Diesel (0 points) Ryan Seacrest (1 point) Bob Ross (2 points) Cousin It (3 points)
When I accidentally dropped some of the food on the floor, my dog: Ate it (0 points) Ate it, threw it up and then ate it again (1 point) Ate it, then cowered in the corner (2 points) Ate it, then went to doggie heaven (3 points)
You scored: points
0 9 Points: Hooray for you, you found edible food in your fridge! Throw some sour cream on that stuff and kiss hunger goodbye. You're going to be spending some time on the late night train to deliciousville.
10 18 points: It's time to sit down and assess your situation. When is the last time you've eaten? Are you starving? To death? If the answer to those last two questions is "yes," then it may be time to take a risk and try your food. Act quickly, and you may survive unharmed.
19 27 Points: Don't even think about eating that thing because you'll die. Forget about your fond memories from meals of yore. Your leftovers are not the friendly snack you used to know.