"Full Screen" is a new column featuring CollegeHumor video gate-keepers Jeff and Amir. They are the two dudes that decide which videos go up, and which ones get the axe. Join them as they discuss their favorite videos of the week and add behind-the-scenes insight to certain gems you may have missed.
Jeff: This was a difficult week for Internet video. All this stupid nice weather is trapping people outside. A mere 11 movies have cracked the 100-like barrier since we last spoke.
Amir: Weather is video cancer. The sweetest videos always come from dismal areas. When was the last time you saw a guy getting hit in the balls in Hawaii?
Amir: I like that he makes a last ditch effort to slurp the foam. He looked like he was ready to just use the bottom of his jacket to wipe the table. "It's still good, dont freak out. Jesus. Shots?"
Jeff: If you get foam everywhere at my apartment you earn a dead arm, no matter what country you are in charge of.
Amir: Even Canada?
Jeff: Especially Canada.
Amir: As long as we are on the topic of shockingly under performing videos, when we put up Honey Wrestling I was expecting at least triple digits, and that one is stuck below 30. That's borderline inexcusable.
Amir: With or without gravy?
Jeff: I don't have to answer that.
Amir: I thought that video had the makings of a hall-of-famer. Unique concept,
lots of honey, and girls in bikinis. Plus my caption was awesome.
Jeff: It was almost disappointing when the video ended and nobody had released any bees. Almost as shocking, but in the opposite direction, was 100 Ton Bomb Test with 300+ likes. That's about one like per ton of dynamite.
Amir: I had no idea college kids loved bombs so much. That does not bode well for society.
Jeff: I wonder if a 200-ton bomb test would have 600 likes, or if there's some depreciating returns. Were there any other surprises for you?
Amir: I cannot believe Live Smooth Criminal broke 350 likes
AND NOT 1,000!
Amir: That video is unreal. It's so nostalgic, choreographed brilliantly, and shot very well. Hold on, I'm gonna go watch it now.
Jeff: Today, we've all been hit by the smooth criminal.
Amir: Kay I'm back. Still awesome.
Jeff:I can't let this conversation end without bringing up Johny Depp in Japan. It never occurred to me before that Japanese TV shows are shot in the same reality I live in.
Amir: It never occurred to me before that you think Johnny Depp is in the same reality you live in. Depp is the only actor insane enough to fit in at a Japanese talk show.
Jeff: You can learn more about a man from one minute of a Japanese TV show than a dozen appearances on Leno's couch. Any hopes for this week? Seven days ago you wished for a masturbating elephant, and though we didn't get that I'd say the Animals Masturbating montage came pretty close.
Amir: That was close, but we still didn't quite reach it. So I'll stick with elephant masturbating.
Jeff: I'll cross my fingers for a video of you masturbating an elephant