Paris Hilton: Spoiled.

Tara Reid: No talent.

Lindsay Lohan: Neglected by her father.

Nicole Ritchie: Neglected by Lionel Ritchie.

Britney Spears: From the south.

I know it’s human nature to stare at the site of a car crash as you pass by, but every once in awhile it’s nice to see some trees, a lush meadow, perhaps some voluptuous mountain peaks in the distance. So instead of explaining how no one in jail can hear Paris scream or why Nicole Ritchie looks like a burned out hot dog with no buns, I'm choosing to write about several gorgeous women who are making a name for themselves without the use of their private parts.

Alexis Bledel

Who? How about Sin City? How about former NYU film student? How about bilingual? If you knew any of this before I just told you, you are a stalker and the cops are coming after you right now. Beautiful and intelligent, she's got the look and talent of Christina Ricci without the whole spooky Addams family vibe. And according to Wikipedia, She also works with First Book, a nonprofit organization, which gives books to the poor, so you know she gives as well as receives :)

Danica Patrick

The fact that she's a female who knows how to drive puts her on my list; but the fact she's breaking a gender barrier and taking shit from no one is even more impressive. Plus I thought it would be ironic if I included a race car driver in an article titled "Accidents Not Waiting to Happen." Cars are a man's home away from home, their sanctuary, a place where they can sing Smash Mouth without repercussion, and Danica has just bridged that gap. Besides taking abuse from a male dominated sport and shoving men twice her size, she's serving as a role model for little girls interested in racing. For that matter, she's also probably serving as a role model for little boys interested in racing.

Jennifer Hudson

The dreamgirl. Sure someone who just burst onto the scene and won an Oscar for their first movie role might get a big head or start dropping X, but not her. She's managed to stay poised, humble, and charming despite the sudden change in lifestyle. Plus, she managed to steer clear of classic car crash Eddie Murphy. Scary Spice could learn a lot.

Sarah Silverman

A funny, good looking comedian! She's innovative, she's hilarious, and that's just her vagina talking. And she's dating Jimmy Kimmell, so she's got low expectations. Double bonus.

Nicky Hilton