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This is the College of Philibin-Flast
Please let me know if I'm going too fast.
There's grass on the ground, and in that there are worms,
But the best grass you'll find, is the grass in the dorms.
'Cause we have weed from the island of Wallamanooka
That will fit in quite well with your super, big hookah.
And do not forget about "herbal" Bizunchies.
They will give you a case of unsinkable munchies.
So eat all your Pringles and drink all your beer,
Getting a gut is nothing to fear.
It will happen, I tell you, no matter your diet.
Swallow this pill, come on, bro, just try it.
Then we'll go to that frat party, way over yonder.
Can't find your pants? There's no need to ponder.
The party is pants-less and dance-less and dumb.
And does anyone else see that bird-headed bum?
You heard it from me, kids, that mushrooms are grand.
Hey, which one of you homos just touched my hand?
It doesn't much matter, 'cause college is gay.
I mean that in every possible way.
You'll touch things and be touched with nary a care,
But throw out your pride and be ready to share
Because this here place is one incestuous mass
With herpes and mono and, truly, no class.
Again, I mean that in each sense of the word
Because, you may notice, this place is absurd.
So go kiss your mother and pack up your bong
'Cause, kid, this is college, now get off my lawn.