Dear Mr. Goodwin,
We have recently received your application and audition tape for the consideration of this prestigious academy. However, upon review of your submission it has become obvious that you lack the necessary knowledge of the art of mime, and thus are not currently a good candidate for enrolment. In the future, you are more than welcome to reapply once you have sharpened some of your skills and essentially figured out exactly what a mime is.
Here are some suggestions to consider should you decide to reapply:
- Your next audition tape should focus almost entirely on your mime skills, since that’s what we do here. While the seven minute clip of you doing Borat and Larry the Cable Guy impressions was entertaining, it didn’t really give a good enough glimpse into what you are capable of as a mime.
- In your video, please try to wear a traditional mime costume. Most mimes tend to wear black pants with a white striped shirt and some face paint, perhaps topped off with a beret. This would be a much welcome change from the Lynyrd Skynyrd half-shirt and cut-off jean shorts you wore for your current audition.
- Also, please try to keep the obscenities to a minimum. Mime is a traditionally silent art. And by traditionally I mean exclusively. I didn’t think that I would ever have to explain this rule to potential student before. I know that sometimes actors get caught up in the moment and like to ad-lib a scene, but there really isn’t any place in mime for extended ramblings about immigrants and homos.
Finally, when applying for anything it is really in your best interests to not insult the people you are applying to. A number of people on our office were put off by the doodle ofa giant Hitler stepping on Napoleonwhile picking his teeth with the EiffelTowerthat you drew on the envelope. The other thing that we perhaps all could do without is when you crossed out the word ‘France’ on the address and replaced it with ‘Cheese-Loving Fagistan.’
We do, however, wish you all the best in your endeavours and definitely look forward to seeing your improvements on your next audition tape.
Jean-Paul Rousseau DeVoltaire Camus
L’Academie de Mimede Marcel Marceau