i'm not quite sure how the nickname bandersnatch came to be, but since freshman year of high schooli have given the word new meaning. it's not just a name. it's a way of life. what is a bandersnatch you ask. oh how i tire of giving this explanation. if you have to ask, then you don't know me. therefore if you don't know me, then why ask. just stop. you obviously are not cool enough to have the meaning revealed to you or more so to experience the bandersnatch in her natural habitat. because honestly, that is the only way you can possibly understand. but, i've decided to indulge you and perhaps attempt to explain just what it is i do best and what it is i am known for. bandersnatching.
i am a rare breed. there are very few girls that are like me. and that is probably the only time you will hear me refer to girls as girls. i prefer calling them sluts. because that's what we are. sluts. and i say that in the most loving manner. which goes hand in hand with my mentality. the bandersnatch mentality. i am about to reveal to you the tricks of the trade in regards to bandersnatching. prepare yourself. bandersnatching is adapting a male mentality about sex. and it's a beautiful thing if you master it.
sluts spend too much time overanalyzing and bitching over a cup of coffee and pack of cigarettes about why he hasn't called, why he didn't cum and who he's fucking on the side. too much energy, effort and thought go into something of so little substance and importance. bitches (reference to dirty little boys) aren't worth your time. they're good for one thing, fucking. and i still have my doubts when it comes to that considering i can get myself off 5 times in 15 minutes far better than any bitch.
so in order to bandersnatch you:
1. use a highly refined vocabulary first off which consists of sluts and bitches when referring to girls and boys. curse words are a must, at least used once in every sentence.
2. adapt a male mentality how does a slut accomplish this. well i suppose it helps that i've had a good deal of interaction and intercourse with bitches to go off of. little boys think about one thing. sluts. the power of a pussy is an amazing thing my fellow sluts. use it to your full advantage. most boys you will meet are concerned with one thing, getting laid, nothing more. sex with no strings attached. so that is the first step. no clingy bullshit. no cuddling. no cup of coffee in the morning. get yours and get out.i'm talking that night. there is nothing more satisfying then fucking some little boy,putting your clothes on and peacing out.as long as you go home before morning you are good, in fact if you go to another guys house after then home that's even better.
3. no overanalyzing. sure talk to your sluts and brag about your conquests, but absolutely, positively no overanalyzing. it's just sex. relationships? feelings? what the fuck are those. who knows and who cares, you don't if you're bandersnatching.
4. no feelings. as mentioned earlier, developing feelings for a boy is out of the question. bandersnatches don't do that sort of thing. so kick them to the curb.
5. no bullshit text messaging or calls. unless you're trying to get laid. even then, there's someone probably better looking at the bar.
6. no games. now i know what you are thinking, everyone plays games. perhaps bandersnatching is a game. wrong. wrong. wrong. no games, means no bullshit. this means you must always be honest and upfront. especially upon first meeting a potential victim. don't hide the fact that you are the bandersnatch. first of all, if you do then you are obviously not bandersnatching correctly. secondly, if you do then you are not following the rules which are be who you are because if you are a bandersnatch you will immediately understand that you always get what you want. no need to act innocent and sweet. you're not.
7. get naked. no bandersnatch is insecure. you are one of the most confident girls you know. you just don't give a fuck. don't get naked for attention. get naked because you can. because you know you got a bangin body and you know you're going to get banged. that night.
8. be aggressive. don't wait for boys to come up to you. you choose who you want to do. there is one thing i can't stand and that is a bitch coming up to me with weak game. leave me the fuck alone. if i want to fuck you i will.
9. always look good when you go out. dress to impress. make heads turn. but truth be told, even if you don't you'll still get laid. you're a motherfucking bandersnatch. embrace your body. love who you are. you're hot. you've got a sweet ass and you know it.
10. adopt a large group of male friends. you can learn many things from them and apply them to bandersnatching.
11. don't sleep with a fellow slut's ex boyfriend or boy toy. although you may be the bandersnatch, you do still have a code to follow in respect of other bandersnatches.
12. have at least one lesbian experience. threesomes are welcome as well. shit public sex is a must. try everything.be open to anything and everything. you cannot be close minded if you are the bandersnatch. you fuck for fun. you get naked. you like girls and boys. sluts are prettier anyways.
13. always use protection. no bandersnatch wants a baby. they don't even want to get married. and if they do, they've got shit on the side. because that's just how we do.
14. masturbate. a lot. fascinations. purple sparkly wabbit. buy one.
15. no regrets. this is a big part of being the bandersnatch. learn from every experience you have with the opposite sex.
so that's it kids. bandersnatching is fairly easy if you're cut out for the job. if you can hang. most sluts i know can't. why sluts can't have one night stands i do not understand. but i'll tell you this. nothing bothers me more than some little boy who harrasses me constantly the next day after we fucked the night before. bandersnatches see, come and conquer.