Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
States of the Union
June 27, 2007
The 50 states are sitting around a large conference table.
: Everything has been downhill since we took Alaska.
: I told you all 50 were too many.
: We were better off as colonies.
: Would you all shut up? Now are we going to get rid of Texas or not?
: Motion to suspend voting on Puerto Rico indefinitely.
All (except New Mexico)
: Don't get us sidetracked!
: Hey, Chicago, take a chill pill.
: My name is not Chicago.
: Whatevs? You philistine, I'm a state. Chicago is a city. There's a difference.
: Did you know I'm the only state without common law?
: I object to these shananigans. Look at all the great things that hang around my state: Mexicans. George W. Bush. Um, Emmitt Smith?
: Case and point. All in favor?
: Does Rhode Island count?
Rhode Island whimpers in the corner
: 50 bucks to anyone who can locate me on the map.
I like you being on top.
(looking down, smiling)
: You see how well they get along?
South Carolina shrugs.
: Can we get back to the vote?
: Yeah can we get back to the vote?
: Little brother backing up his big brother. That's Really cute.
: Hows abouts me and Tony kick your ass when we come down to visit our grandparents?
: Take it outside. All in favor raise your hand now.
: And hurry please; I have to drop the Mrs. off at tennis before I get to the club for a quick round of golf.
Half the states raise their hands.
: Damn it.
: Damn it that half the states raised their hands, or that most people think you're a district?
: I am going to-
: Why can't we compromise? Let's keep Texas and give Minnesota to Canada.
: I'm fine with that.
I'm sorry I'm late. I had a klan meeting.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.