College is a time of intellectual growth, finding one's self, and parties. Namely, theme parties. As if drinking keg beer and standing in a circle with your friends while looking for anything mildly attractive/drunk wasn't fun enough, the party gods invented the notion of a theme party. "That's pretty gay," you might say. Well, you're right. They are pretty gay. Here's a short guide to help you figure out what to wear at these parties and not be a gay ass douchebag:

  • Toga Party: Polo, jeans, hat (optional)
  • Pimps and Hos: Polo (the one that's too big), jeans (the ones that are too big), hat (the one that's too big; optional)
  • 80's Party: Polo (the one that's kinda flashy), jeans (the ones that are kinda tight), hat (that lame one; optional)
  • Pirate Party: Polo, jeans, pirate hat (optional)
  • CEO Party: Polo, jeans, tie (optional)
  • Highlighter Party: Just don't go to these. These are very gay.