It's a stupid world but someone's gotta educate it. Luckily, I'm here to point you towards the glowing light of knowledge. This week…

The Origins of Alcohol Brand Names

Jack Daniel's – There never was a man named Jack Daniel, but there was a man named Jasper Newton Daniel who went by the nickname "Jack." Records are foggy but he may have gotten his distiller's license at the ripe old age of 16.

Coors – The empire that is the Coors Brewing Company was founded by a Prussian immigrant named Adolph Kuhrs {later changed to Coors} when he opened a brewery in Colorado in 1873. Depressing fact about ol' Adolph: he killed himself by jumping out of a hotel window in 1929.

Bacardi – The man responsible the night-destroyer that is Bacardi 151 was a Cuban named Don Facundo Bacardi Masso who started his rum company in 1862. The Bacardi Bat logo came from the fruit bats that lived in the rafters of the distillery.
Tanqueray – The gin that launched a thousand pukes was invented by a British man named Charles Tanqueray. Charles broke a nasty family habit of becoming a preacher – which had been going strong for three generations – and started up his gin business in 1830. During WWII the Tanqueray factory was hit by Nazi bombs and almost completely destroyed. One still, named Old Tom, remained untouched and is still in use today.
Captain Morgan – Before he became the world's best shamer, Captain Henry Morgan was a Privateer working for the British crown and operating out of Jamaica. He terrorized Spanish towns in Panama and Cuba in the 1660's and 70's and gained a reputation as one of the bravest and fiercest fighters around. He was eventually knighted and retired as one of the most successful pirates in history. He died at age 53 of dropsie, but another theory has pinpointed liver failure from heavy drinking as the cause of death. Captain Morgan rum was founded in 1944 and named after the old pirate.

And since you're all going to wonder why I didn't include it on the list, Budweiser is simply named after a town in the Czech Republic called Česk√© Budějovice which, when translated into German, becomes "Budweis."