I don't think intercollegiate feuds are represented to the fullest on College Humor. I intend to change that. Being a recent NYU grad, I think I'll start things up by taking on a BITCH school like Columbia, the OTHER college in New York City.

NYU isn't the top school for academics. We've never claimed we were. Guess what…neither is Columbia! Sure, they outrank NYU, but who cares if you're not at the top anyways.

Yes, yes, Columbia is an Ivy league school. But did you know…NYU was offered Ivy status. All we had to do was form a football team. The school polled its students and found out there was so little interest for football, however, that the administration was like "Who gives a flying fuck about being Ivy league anywho" and then they probably scored some models. Because, you know, NYU is DOWNTOWN…where all the models and cool stuff in New York is located. Not waaay uptown, with all the cool…Burger Kings.

Oh, and let's take a look at some famous alumni. Wow, famous painter Georgia O Keeffe. Oh, Angels in America scribe Tony Kushner, pretty sweet.

Guess who went to NYU? Scorcese, bitch. #1 movie in America, The Departed, yeh, that's cooler than a football team and you know it. Also, Alec Baldwin, Spike Lee, Robin Williams' son and, oh yeah, me. And a bunch of other celebs too.

Also, students at Columbia actually study for fun and stuff. NYU students hang out with celebs and models and do blow.

In conclusion, NYU is really awesome and Columbia is for old ladies who paint vaginas inside of flowers.