Your room reeks of beer, your stomach is craving real food, you haven't changed those socks in four days and your penis hasn't been touched in much longer. The solution is simple: Go home. Your room still smells like fabric softener, your mom cooks for you, you can wash your socks (but whatever) and best of all, you can tap yet another untapped resource: High School Girls.

(Jail)Bating the hook: College hoodies are the new varsity jacket. No piece of clothing works better at getting a girl to notice you than a college sweatshirt of an appealing school. If you currently attend North Fairwalk Community College I suggest NOT wearing that hoodie. It's ok to pretend you go to another college, high school girls like being lied to.

Show off your new do: High schoolers also love a disheveled, scruffy college boy. Almost as much as they love binders and condoms. Plus that new facial hair thing you're working on totally hides your acne. Seriously. You just have that one little guy to the right side of your chin. No, don't worry about it, leave it alone, it's barely noticeable.

Curfew? More like nurfew: That's "no" meets "curfew". Anyway, all these high school girls are going to be so impressed when you tell them what time you have to be home by. "No time at all" you'll slyly say as you lick your lips and look into her pleading eyes. "I have all the freedom in the world." It won't matter later when you get home and discover your mom doesn't know about the "no curfew, I'm in college now" thing, you're going back to school anyway.

Don't let her apply to your school: Just don't let it happen. You can't have some freshman following you around campus all day like some pathetic puppy. Even if the puppy does have decent sized tits and a nice ass. And like, there's this thing the puppy does when it gives you head, like this way the puppy flicks its tongue on the tip of your dick. I know that's good but look man, you can't have dogs at school.