An open letter to all those people who have been playing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” for the past month:

Stop. Please, for the love of Buddha, stop fucking playing “Don’t Stop Believing” every 10 minutes. It was the song playing at the controversial end of The Sopranos. I get it. We all thought it was cool. Now fucking stop. Stop requesting it all the time. Stop playing it on the jukebox at the bar, and for God’s sake, STOP singing it when you’re drunk.

“Don’t Stop Believing” is a delicate ballad that is comprised of a series of seemingly simplistic notes and lyrics to deliver a tidal wave of quintessiental rockin’ 80s tough-guy love. And you’re ruining it for America by playing it during happy hour with your girlfriends and jumping around like a retard bucking through an orgasm.

It’s a fact: In the late 80s, Scott Baio began playing “Don’t Stop Believing” during each and every love making session he ever conducted with young groupies, replacing his previous and also popular choice, Skid Row’s “18 and Life.” By trivializing this song, the pinnacle of Journey’s exceptional catalogue, you are also dishonoring all the shattered virginities and hollow “I love you”s that Scott Baio delivered. Because of that, he now has a new show on VH1 where he’s trying to get laid.

See what you’ve done by trivializing and overplaying the once-potent hit, “Don’t Stop Believing”? You’ve contributed to yet another crappy VH1 show, and with it, a whole shit tsunami of aftermath including (but not limited to) a Scott Baio publicity tour, even MORE fuel for the parade of pop-culture-fed tripe that VH1 currently runs (you know I’m talking to you, Best Week Ever), and those little Internet pop-ups that award an iPhone for voting as to which girl Baio is most likely to bang.

So please, for the sake of preserving sanity, please let “Don’t Stop Believing” revert back to the quiet dignity it once enjoyed. If you wont, then God help you, because if Baio show is a success and they give even ONE more washed-up 80s icon a show, I swear I will hunt you down and send you the way of the Jell-O Pudding Pop (God rest its sweet delicious soul).

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