Hey! Italians! Yea, you guys there, all on the Mediterranean sea there!

What's up, man? I hear you guys think you're so great, what with your fancy Eye-talian pasta and artwork. Well I got news for you, buddy: You do noodles worse than the Orientals. And that statue of David? That guy's got a baby-sized donger. If you really wanna see somethin to behold, I'll oblige. I got nothin to hide.

And you guys think you have an impressive history of ruling the world? Please. Oh wait, we're gonna be ruled by kings, oh wait, no, let's have a republic, oh no, we don't like democratic rule, let's have an emperor. Make up your mind, Italy. And that Caesar guy was a queer.

And don't even get me started on your athletics. Sure, you won the World Cup this year, but so what? Who'd you beat to win it, the French? Hell, I could've beaten those cheese-eatin surrender monkeys. And that Materazzi was a queer.

Oh, you like your country being shaped like a boot, do you? Yea, awesome, you know who wears boots? Chicks, man. Chicks wear boots. You sayin you're a chick, Italy? Want a purse to go with your boots, madame? Thought so. And that Armani was a queer.

Shape up your act, Italy.