Everybody knows: Summertime is tattoo time, and when it comes to ink, nothing is sicker than a barbed wire tat.

A barbed wire tat says, "Hi. I'm a sensitive guy, but I like working out, too. You know what I love doing the most? Bicep curls. Furthermore, my biceps are so jacked (from all the curling) that I have to protect them as a farmer would his livestock."

But why stop there? This is 2007, and people have discovered new ways to protect their property. Check out these other sick suggestions. (Feel free to print them out so your tattoo artist [and he is an artist] knows exactly what to do.)

This one is like regular barbed wire but ELECTRIC. Unlike a regular barbed wire tattoo, you won't even be able to cut these with a pair of tattoo pliers. Pretty phat, right?

But what if people break into your bicep? You wanna be able to catch the perp, right? And then beat him up with your other muscles. That's where this sweet little tat comes in. The Surveillance Cam tattoo says, "I'm going to beat you up now, then look at the tape the tattoo police confiscated and beat you up again later."

If you want to guard your bicep, and I mean REALLY guard it, you need one of these sweet little ditties. This is padlock tat is a complete home security system. The padlock tat will tell you if any of your other muscles are open and if they are, it will alert a tattoo security headquarters who are trained to call you if they recognize any signs of forced entry. Not bad for a tattoo!

Any security guard, even a fat one, will provide you with enough security to sleep at night. He's a night watchmen, as well as a day bodyguard, and even though he's overweight and lazy he will get the job done. Though if you want some REAL security, I suggest getting…

An alert security guard with gun tattoo. He's awake, he's equipped and he's trained to shoot first and ask questions later. You need a tat who will kill any and all intruders, sight unseen. Drastic? Yes. But nobody is getting through to that bi. Nobody.