It's been a while, but the style guys are back and this time they're talking about your Halloween costume. As always, you can email them TheStyleGuys@Gmail.com.
Streeter: Wow, look at all the time and effort you put into this magnificent costume. It looks so effortless, almost like you didn't start planning it till five minutes ago. What are you supposed to be anyway? The devil? Last time I checked, the devil was a scary guy with cloven hooves who spent his days torturing murderers and homosexuals, not an anorexic slut trying to cut the keg line. Show this great holiday some respect next year and actually think about your costume. Throwing a pair of sparkly tramp-horns on your head aint gonna cut it, honey.
Amir: Hey, can you do me a favor? You see that guy over there in red face paint, a cape, and that plastic trident? Go up to him, and ask him what it's like to put effort into a costume. Sit down, and really pick his brain. Ask him what it feels like not to be a lazy, miserable skunt, who actually put less effort into her costume then they do any other day of the week. It's not a costume if I can flick your head and remove it entirely. Bitch.
Streeter: Holy shit, are you really Jason Giambi? Oh wait, my mistake, you're really just a fat asshole who put on a Giambi jersey ten minutes ago. Where did you ever get the idea to wear the jersey you've been wearing every week to class as a Halloween costume? And bro, the jeans are a nice touch. I know baseball players don't wear jeans on the field but I'm sure they would if they could. Listen shithead, The Style Guys support going as an athlete but you've really got to make an effort to pull it off. Plus, last time I checked, Jason Giambi isn't 5' 7" with shaggy hair and a chin beard. However, you're blood spots from your backne match up nicely to his.
Amir: Wow, I didn't know Shaquille O'Neal was at this party! Wow, I didn't know Shaquille O'Neal was a 6-foot-nothing retard with a Lakers hat! Oh" wait! It's not Shaquille O'Neal, that's just a regular 6-foot-nothing retard in a Lakers hat! "But wait," you say "I'm gonna paint my face black!" Great! Now you're costume sucks AND you're a racist just like a Klansmen. Though I have less respect for you than I do the KKK because they at least go all the way with their stunt; you sir, are a half-assed, pathetic reject who chose a costume from his own closet. It's not a costume if you also wore it last week. Bitch.
Streeter: Looky what we have here, a real go-getter. He's too busy hunting for that great internship to dress up for Halloween" Or Is He?! What is he? A businessman? An FBI agent? A Man in Black? You'll never know because the sad truth of it is he doesn't know. But what we all know is this kid's mom bought him a suit two years ago and he pulls it out exactly twice a year: once for Halloween, and once when someone in his family dies. That may sound sad but it's not nearly as sad as this supremely shitty costume.
Amir: Your mom bought that suit for you so you could go on job interviews, and guess what? Getting drunk and puking on your most expensive slacks is not a job! Stealing Jolly Ranchers from six year olds and screaming "BOO!" while you do it, is not a job. And being a lazy, habitually disappointing loser, is not a job! At least have the decency to tear off your jacket's sleeves and go as a really formal gym rat. It's not a costume if your professors wear it every day to school. Bitch.
Streeter: Imagine if you will, an 80's. What is it? Nobody is quite sure, but it appears to be some ugly beast with teased hair, a few pairs of brightly colored tights, a shitload of eye makeup and a sweater hanging ever-so-unappealingly past her pimple-ridden shoulders. This abrasive mess of hyper-color is perhaps the most popular shitty girl's Halloween costume you'll see this year. It's unoriginal, it's ugly and, worst of all, it's vague. If you want to be a specific person from the 80's, by all means go ahead, but if you're going to be "80's" then you can go right ahead and fuck yourself. Plus, everyone knows the 80's aren't funny anymore. Go as "90's" and you'll get a much better reception.
Amir: You dumb fucking slut. What is wrong with you? You think that's abstract? You think you're clever by going, not as something, but as some era? You know what? I wish you were the 80's because than I could lift up the baby version of you by its soft spot, and hurl it into a fucking wall so that your comatose baby body never matures and becomes a fully functional retarded college student capable of dressing up in bar none, the worst costume imaginable. I would rather you kill my mother, and go as a convicted felon, honestly. It's not a costume if you appear as though you covered yourself in paste and rolled around a Toys R Us. Bitch.
Streeter: Genius! Now go kill yourself.
Amir: I'm afraid of Gangstas, so this costume is fine with me. Just" don't hurt me. Don't even flinch at me and bark, I'll piss my pants, I swear.