As the old saying goes, "you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but someone in the admissions office picks your freshman year roommate." Usually, they do a bad job, too. We've all had our share of terrible roommate experiences. Even if you live with your best friend you're bound to butt heads at some point. But you could add up all the fights you've ever had in your entire life and they wouldn't equal the frustration and anger that comes from living with this dude for one day. Some people call him a selfish dick, some call him social reject but me, I call him…

The Overly-Possessive Roommate
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Most likely an only child for whom sharing is a foreign concept, the overly-possessive roommate will not let you lay a single finger on any of his belongings. He ran a line of duct tape down the center of the room just in case you forgot that he likes his space. He claims that he has no problem with you, it's just that he's "used to having my own room, ya know?"

He jealously guards his stuff and will get noticably uncomfortable if you even look at it. "That's my XBox," he'll remind you. He's the reason you had to call your parents half an hour after you moved in and request that they turn around, take you to Wal-Mart and buy you a TV since he lacks the ability to share his. He drops casual little remarks meant to let you know that he knows you've got designs on his stuff. "I know how many DVDs I have," he'll say as he leaves the room, as if you were planning on setting up a table on the quad and hawking his stuff to the highest bidder.

He will not let you use or even touch the following things: his computer, his clothing, his toiletries, his furniture, his DVDs and books, his food, and finally, his girlfriend. No, just kidding about that last one, he's never had a girlfriend and never will. He lacks that crucial component that women look for in men: a good personality. He also spends so much time making sure he keeps his belongings well-protected that he doesn't have much time to meet girls. The stupidest thing about this guy is that he's deluded himself into thinking that you actually want to borrow his things. If you ask him for deodorant it's not because you like his better, it's because you don't have any left and you don't feel like walking to the store at 8 AM in a snowstorm. Maybe you want to play his XBox or watch one of his DVDs but everything else you want from this kid is out of pure necessity, not desire. and Still he's too much of a douchebag to lend anything to you. "Sorry," he'll say as you put on your jacket to begin your long trek to the pharmacy for toothpaste, "make sure you wear a hat. It's cold outside."

The worst part about this asshole isn't his anti-social greed, it's that he turns you into a worse person. You've always been a nice guy, always shared things with your friends and family. But this guy's possessiveness forces you to become as possessive as he is. You'll spitefully withhold your belongings from him just to return the favor. You won't lend him any toothpaste or a pair of socks. You won't let him print his final paper on your printer or even let him borrow any printer paper. Look what he's done to you, man?

Terrible.

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  • If you want to get your person you hate linked in here all you need to do is make a CH account, write a People You Hate and email it to me at Streeter.Seidell @Gmail.com