Well, you have finally done it. You got so blackout drunk last night from the marathon flipcup game, piggybacked with the 3 hours you owned the pong table (wicked sweet job by the way, that bounce in the 3rd OT of game 6 was the shit legends are made of), that you managed to pass out in shower and rip down the little shelf your dad put up in there for you at the beginning of the year. You need that shelf, where else are you going to keep your exfoliate and that special shampoo you got from the doctor? You need to go to Home Depot.

Now, you could just call your old man, beg and plead for him to come put the shelf back up, because Home Improvement centers scare the bejesus out of you, but seriously, you are a man now, you can fix it yourself. So you call your old man, tell him that Drunk Dave knocked the shelf over, and that you want to fix it. He tells you that you need a tube of silicone to stick it back to that wall. After you write it down on one of the sweet colored post-it notes you have in your desk, you grab the keys to your Matrix and you are off to man land.

You arrive to the last bastion of manhood left in the world…Home Depot. You walk though the doors and you can just smell the testosterone, feel the manliness, taste the …sorry, got carried away, you get the point, it is manly in there. Now an in experienced person would run to the nearest orange apron, tell them what they need, pay for it, and be gone. This person would be ridiculed and laughed at by everyone in the store, because you do not just go to Home Depot for one thing, unless it is a part for the sewing machine you are using for your skirt. A real man needs to pick up an entire truck bed full of supplies, because a man's man is always prepared. Here is a small list of things you should always walk out of Home Depot with:

Three 2X4 boards: These are studs, much like yourself. They are the foundation of any project, it shows the lovelies that not only can you build, but you know how to make a solid structure. Plus they are good for using against those punks trying to steal from your stash of IceHouse and Pabst.

Drill Bits: The bigger the better. You never know when you are going to get access to the space around the hot chicks shower, so you need to be prepared.

Some sort of power tool: It really does not matter what it is, as long as it is not a sander, those things are for pussies. Make it a saber saw or some kind of high speed hole saw, something that tears through shit at an incredible rate, chicks dig demolition and destruction, just look at how much they love Tommy Lee.

Light Bulbs: No one wants to be the weird guy who needs to bring the one light bulb that still works from room to room. Dane Cook was right, that shit is just pathetic and sad.

Tool Belt: after you buy this bitch, tie it to the bumper of your car on the way home, that way it looks like it has been used for years and you are a serious builder. Bonus points for adding random ass tools (an awl, a putty knife, shears) and various sizes of nails and screws. No one ever uses the tools and the nails get rusty and bent, but if you got them in your sweet tool belt, people will know you mean business.

Biggest Caulking Gun You Can Find: Do I really need to explain this? Ladies love a guy that can give them a lot of Caulk.

Simple Green: Lets face it, your place is a dump. You got Ramen noodles strewn about the counter, five spitters filled to the rim with chew under the couch, the exchange students puke still behind the toilet, it is just pathetic. Get some of this industrial grease cutter and clean it up a little. No lady wants to get down on the blumpkin action while staring at a foreigners vomit" well, except for that chick from the Commons, but she is not classy at all.