You don't go to an Ivy league school and that's OK. Most people don't go to Harvard or Yale or Princeton and they all turn out alright. Better still, you're comfortable with the college you attend. You've got great friends, go to fun parties and have had a truly positive life experience. But not everyone can be as content as you. There's always one guy who simply cannot believe he attends the same school as you. One guy whose only goal during college is convincing everyone that someone, somewhere in the Columbia admissions office made a grievous error when going over his application. He will never actually admit he's your fellow student because, ladies and gentlemen, he's…

Too Good For This School Guy
Click For Full Size

If at any point in a discussion, the subject of how good your school is relative to other schools in the country he'll loudly proclaim that he, "could've gotten into much better schools than this." He spends most of his day bitching about how his guidance counselor in high school screwed him over and didn't write a good recommendation or some similarly inane series of misfortunes that led to the great injustice of being forced to attend your school.

To prove his theory that he's infinitely more intelligent than you he'll band about his SAT scores to anyone who'll listen. They may be a smidgen higher than yours, but he's definitely not knocking on the door of greatness. He might even do you the favor of listing all the schools he got into but could not attend for some reason: parents couldn't afford it, too far away, didn't want to be in a city, etc. The list goes on and on and he'll always wind up at the stunning conclusion that he's practically doing your school a favor by attending. "I mean, I could have gone to any school in country if I wanted." He'll smugly quip. Oh, your highness, how thoughtful of you to let us unworthies bask in your warm intelligence. Please, enlighten us further with your thrilling tale of how Cornell's admissions department must have lost your application! I do so want to hear it!

Unlike your run-of-the-mill shithead – who is just annoying or arrogant – this guy personally insults you with every breath he takes. His utter disgust at the prospect that you are on his intellectual level is enough that he chooses to alienate himself from every single one of the students at your school. He actively decides not to make friends because he feels all of you are beneath him when, very simply, he could accept the fact that he isn't the shining example of academic promise his mother told him he was and spend his college years having a good time.

But the worst part about this miserable asshole is that he actually thinks you're going to pity him. It's a more pathetic version of the guy who breaks his finger and then spends the next three years of his life recounting in bone-chilling detail the terrible accident that led to him wearing a finger splint for a week. It's sad and annoying and, honestly, it's a waste of your ear-time. Why should you feel bad for someone who sincerely believes they are better than you? Why should you take pity on someone so stupid and proud that they're still trying to impress people with a 3-year-old SAT score? Why should you even waste a second listening to this overgrown baby whine about how he was cheated and should be relaxing in front of a marble fireplace with a poetry anthology on a plush leather chair in the Skull and Bones tomb at Yale? The answer is you shouldn't.


More Hate

Jackie Hates Someone…

Dan Hate Someone…

Remember, if you write a People You Hate, send me the link at and I'll highligh it here.