If you steal from a department store using telekinesis, they'll let you get away with it!

Awesome!

If you die on the same day that you were born on, you get a free toaster!

Sweet!

Being shot in the face smells like root beer!

Super Cool!

Although they didn't exist during their lifetimes, Buddha's favorite Pop Tart flavor would have been Strawberry, while Jesus would have preferred Cinnamon Brown Sugar.

Crazy Bodacious!

When Edgar Allen Poe died in 1849, his last words were, "Lord help my poor soul," but his last thought was "—bitch."

ROFLcopter!

Every time you dream you see a brief flash of a four to seven digit number. This sequence of numbers lasts for under a second and occurs every single night though it cannot be consciously recalled. The numbers are written in whatever fashion we are used to yet they correspond to a long forgotten table first drafted in ancient Sumer and simultaneously by the tribes in South America which would one day form the Aztec culture. The purpose of this table was to chart the progression of a sort of development which cannot be elucidated in modern terms, yet it has everything to do with the creation of the Internet and

Wow, never mind.