People You Hate: The Campus Crusader

You're innocently walking from your dorm to class, when suddenlysomeone comes up to you. They look normal enough: White button downshirt, red tie, black pants and shoes, and a big cross around theirneck. Yes, you are face to face with the campus crusaders.

"Jesus loves you," he says as he hands you a little book. This thingis no bigger than your cell phone, yet it has every book of the Bible,with three different interpretations, and an introduction from hispastor.

"What is this?" you ask. Wrong question.

"This is your life. This has all the answers to all of lifes mostconplex questions, brother." Now you, being the smart ass that youare, decide to challenge this statement, with a simple, "Oh really?Can it tell me if I'll hook up with that hot chick who sits in front ofme in Psych class and always wears her shirt a little too small so shecan show off that sexy tramp stamp of hers?"

At this, the campus crusader goes from kindly missionary to evangelicalexorcist. "Your sinful ways will land you a one way ticket to theanals of hell! I tried to save you, but if you continue to reject ourlord Jesus Christ and have pre-marital intercourse with harlots, thenyou will spend an eternity playing charades with Satan!"

You calmly try to reason with him. "Dude, it was just a joke…"

"Jesus hates jokes! Jesus hates tattoos! Jesus hates alcohol andcoffee! Jesus hates you!"

"I thought you told me that Jesus loves me…"

"Go to hell, sinner."

The Campus Crusader: Almost as bad as showering without sandals.