-Girls like guys that are dicks.

-Ok guys, don't believe me? Think about any guy that is a known dick. He either a) gets mad girls. b) has a hot girlfriend. c) is sleeping with your girlfriend. d) all of the above.

-Girls, you say you dont know any guys that are dicks? That's because they are all trying to get in your pants.

-Now you may be asking yourself, "Hey, why would any girl want to get with a guy that is a total douchebag?" The answer is simple. Girls want a guy that can stand up for himself, not a total pussy like you. A nice guy will hold doors open for girls, pay for their drinks, and buy them tampons, but that isn't enough. Girls want a boyfriend that will kick some random dude's ass for asking her what time it is. Girls want to be able to walk up to the largest guy at the bar, question his sexuality, pour a drink on his lap, and have her boyfriend ready to fight for every drunken decision she makes. Girls fucking love the attention, why do u think they have to dress like 9 dollar whores when they go out? So guys will respect them for their minds and see their true inner beauty? Give me a fuckin break.

-Girls want a guy that can make them laugh. I hate to admit it but dickheads can be funny. Everyone has a friend who is a total dick. He eats the last piece of pizza. He yells obsceneties at friends, strangers, old people, hippies, and other assholes. And he slept with the girl you've been trying to get with since freshman year after meeting her at a bar and asking her if she wanted to go back to his place to "watch a movie". When people ask why you hang out with him, you don't even really have a good answer. He's just a dick. And its fucking hilarious.

-If your not a dick, the worst thing you can do is start acting like one. Girls can spot a fake a mile away. And they hate that.

-So now the nice guys who are reading this are asking themselves, "Wait a second, does this mean I will never get that fine piece of ass that I want oh so bad?" The answer is you will, eventually. You see, once girls get out of college, they realize that the fucktards that they dated in college can't provide for the house, SUV, and liposuction that they need. They need that nice guy who went to classes, got a job, and isn't living in his parent's basement. Don't worry, that trophy wife will be yours in no time.