I don't have a girlfriend. I would like a girlfriend. I don't think it's my fault though, I just think I have a different outlook, as opposed to every girl on the planet. I have my own theories on why most girls don't like me. My theories Her reasons I'm too funny, witty, and just overall awesome I make fun of her too much I'm too rugged and outdoorsy I sit on the couch all day watching Lost in my underwear I don't express my emotions I cry too much
I keep in touch with her constantly I track her using state-of-the-art surveillance She feels guilty about me paying for everything She feels pissed that I always bring up how much things cost I'm too adorable I have the figure of an 8-year-old girl She doesn't like me giving to charity She doesn't like me paying bums to fight each other My awesome hair and sweet aroma distracts us from meaningful conversations I don't shower often and spray Febreeze on myself every morning I'm too good I suck I'm too loving and caring I'm too loving and caring Girls are dirty bitches Guys are stupid assholes