Once again, I'm here with my friends from Mental Floss teaching the important lessons you need to get through life. Today we're going to learn a little bit about…

Great Milestones In Pornography!

Larry Flynt said it best: "You take a picture of a murder, which is illegal, and you can win Picture of the Year for TIME Magazine. You take a picture of two people having sex, which is not illegal, and you can get thrown in jail."

The 1st Century (BCE): The Kama Sutra hits shelves! In addition to all the sex tips and positions, Vatsayana also included a whole section on Enzyte alternatives. His easiest trick? Sleep face down on a cot with a hole in it, and then tie a dumbbell to your junk. The title of that chapter? "gUY$ m4ke herr m0an w1th b199er p3ni5!! CL1cK H33r3!"

1st Amendment: 1934. The Hays Code takes effect; any film showing more than an inch of thigh gets "condemned." Consequently, your Grandfather is completely shocked the first time he sees your Grandma naked. "Well, I'll be darned," he says, "That sure don't look like what I got down there at all!"

First Playboy: 1953. Too broke to pay for a photo shoot, Hugh Hefner uses stock images of Marilyn Monroe. At $.50 a pop, the issue's a steal, and it sells out in weeks laying the groundwork for a life of leisure and sleeping with women a quarter of his age for Mr. Hefner.

First Playboy with pubic hair: 1956. Hef gets Russ Meyers to shoot Marguerite Empey with her full bush exposed. They get away with it because it's under water. Every issue after is less concerned with strands of hair peeking out and by the 1970's every issue features so much pubic hair it's difficult to separate the genitals from the afros.

First Penthouse: 1965. Bob Guccione starts Penthouse. Due to a convenient lack of funds, Guccione himself does most of the photography…and most of the sexual harrassment.

First X-Rated Movie: 1968's Greetings starring Robert DeNiro. The X-rating is the only one not trademarked. Because the MPAA didn't want to watch smut, they figured non-kid-friendly films could simply self-apply the label without needing review. The XXX rating, however, is strictly controlled by a government committee which regularly monitors businesses bearing the label in and around Washington.

First Nation to get rid of obscenity laws: Denmark, 1969. Strangely, the industry immediately declines. Once completely legal, surveys report most Danes find pornos "uninteresting." Kind of like drinking after prohibition ended…

First glowing porn review: 1972. Respected publication, Screw Magazine gives Deep Throat the highest possible rating on its "Peter Meter." The buzz is so strong, in fact, that it airs in mainstream theaters, and celebrities like Truman Capote and Johnny Carson are seen at screenings. Also seen at screenings? Your Dad.

First Animated Film Rated X: 1972's Fritz the Cat. Fritz looks like a college student, acts like a drop-out activist, and mates like a rabbit. Audiences go crazy for the flick and a generation of young men ask themselves, "Am I seriously turned on by seeing a cartoon Cat having sex?"

First Hustler: 1974. Larry Flynt one-ups the print industry by shooting the first "pink shots." Finally, young men no longer need to wonder what the uterus actually looks like.

First bullets fired at Larry Flynt: 1978. Ambushed near a courthouse, Flynt survives an assassination attempt, though the damage leaves him paralyzed. The shooter is a white supremacist, upset with Flynt for degrading the magazine with interracial shots.

First reports on that VHS/Beta war: 1979. The New York Times reports that 800,000 US homes have VCRs, and that 50 times more adult video tapes are being sold than regular flicks. Best sellers include "Deep Throat," "The Devil in Miss Jones" and "Behind the Green Door."

First Pornographic Atari Games: 1982. Mystique releases 2 graphic titles for horny gamers"""Custer's Revenge," where you navigate a soldier past a flurry of arrows to rape a pixelated Native American, and "Beat "'Em and Eat "'Em," where two wide-mouthed women try to catch the semen of a rooftop ejaculator before it hits the ground. Today, the grainy games are regularly ranked among the worst-ever on gamers' lists.

First Miss America exposed: 1984. Penthouse photos of a nude Vanessa Williams cause outrage in some circles (and cheers in others). Miss America is forced to abandon her crown. What will she do now…

First Great BBS: 1987. Rusty-n-Eddie's launches with annual membership fees at $89. Over the years, the online bulletin board gains traction as a place to trade porn. 10 years later, it's shut down thanks to a lawsuit from Playboy and pornography disappears from the Internet completely.

First confirmed blowjob in the White House: 1995. Slick Willy Style.

First woman to have sex 251 times in a 10 hour period: 1995. Annabel Chong uses 70 men to break the world gangbang record. Her father must be so proud…

First Credit Card to suck: 2000. American Express doesn't believe that you read it for the articles. The company stops accepting transactions on porn.

First Playmate with no pubic hair: 2001. Dalene Kurtis one-ups the traditional playmate landing strip by going completely bare. To be fair though, she does suffers from alopecia.

Not the First time a President is Ignored: 2003. George W Bush declares the week of October 26, National Protection from Pornography Week. The nation lets out a collective yawn.

First time we wished we'd cybersquatted: 2006. Sex.com sells for a cool $12 million. Meanwhile, crazy-sex-vids-online-home.blogspot.com fails to attract investor attention.

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