Brick Tamland: I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

Michael Scott: I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish, sort of a virtual United Nations.

Andy Stitzer: I'm a virgin.

Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.

Andy Stitzer: Wow. This is graphic.

Michael Scott: This, is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outa here.

Andy Stitzer: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the 7th degree imperial yo-yo master.

Brick Tamland: Yeah you got mental problems, man.

Michael Scott: You know what they say the best medicine is.

Andy Stitzer: You know what I don't have to answer to you, you ain't my bitch.

Michael Scott: You know I made out with Jan.

Andy Stitzer: Yeah, I remember that girl, she was a hoe… for sho'

Michael Scott: Why are you the way that you are?

Brick Tamland: Yeah you got mental problems, man.

Andy Stitzer: It's not about butthole pleasures at all.

Michael Scott: Oh, queer!

Andy Stitzer: Please stop.

Brick Tamland: That's it.

Michael Scott: Uh-uh. Ok… shut it, Michael. I'm done, that's it. I'm out.

Andy Stitzer: What? What did I do?