All your favorite STDs are having a meeting.


AIDS: Has everyone arrived yet? Honey, who's missing so far?
HIV: Gonorrhea and Syphilis are a no show…again. Chlamydia's no where to be found.
Chlamydia: I'm standing right here!
HIV: Oh sorry dear, but you are known for sneaking up on people.
Chlamydia: About half of all men and three quarters of women who have me exhibit no symptoms. Haha!
AIDS: Silence you. You are easily cured by antibiotics if detected in time.
Chlamydia: That's IF I'm detected.
AIDS: Silly child. HIV, am I to understand that as the master STD I shall be kept waiting—

Crabs walks in carrying a bundle of egg sacs.

AIDS: Oh goodness. Crabs, you didn't bring the children again did you?
Crabs: Well what the hell did you want me to do with them? Throw them away? They die in one to two days if they're separated from the human body.
HIV: Oh Henry, look, they really are cute. Look at them squirming around in their little egg sacs.
AIDS: They're called nits, my dear. And for goodness sake don't stand too close they may bite.
Crabs: Did you just call my children a dirty name?
AIDS: Certainly not. I referred to them in their proper scientific term. You might say I displayed a little "nit wit."

AIDS chuckles to himself.

Chlamydia: Haha, nits.
Crabs: Shut up you little twerp. All you're good for is swollen testicles.
Chlamydia: Hey, I cause a white, cloudy discharge, too.
AIDS: And sterility if she's left untreated for 6-8 weeks.
Chlamydia: Yeah!

Chlamydia sticks her tongue out at Crabs, then ducks behind HIV.

Crabs: AIDS, you cheap show-off. You're just cocky 'cause no one's found a cure for you yet. You wouldn't even have cells to infect without your little wife here doing all the work for you.
AIDS: Just because you're a single mother doesn't give you the right to attack my wife you low brow little scavenger.
Crabs: Scavenger?! Why you puny infectious white bread snotty Ivy League pest. Hard to believe you're married to a woman when you're the one infecting all those homosexuals. We all know just how much you looove hiding in assholes.
AIDS: Of all the nerve! I'll have you know the anal cavity is the most superb location in which to infect—

Gonorrhea and Syphilis stumble through the door.

Gonorrhea: Gonorrhea in the house bitches! Whooooo!!
Syphilis: Hi everyone. Sorry we're la—
AIDS: I trust you two have a qualified explanation for your tardiness to our bi-weekly meeting.
Gonorrhea: Was incubating in this babe, man. Chick won't know what hit her till her fallopian tubes disintegrate. Met up with Cervicitis and Herpes Simplex on the way in. Shit, it was like Grand Central Station all up in her cervix. Bitch was dir-tay!
AIDS: Gonorrhea, your behavior is most inappropriate. I would like you to cease using all foul language until our meeting is adjourned.
Crabs: Lighten up dickwad. At least he brings some flavor in here to help make up for your dry ass.
AIDS: Oh go put on a fresh tube top you white trash hussy.
HIV: Henry!

Syphilis: Oh, hey Chlamydia. I-I didn't know you were gonna be here.
Chlamydia: Roger…I meant to call about last night.
AIDS[Rolling eyes]: Teenagers.

Gonorrhea: Yo, yo, yo, check out this rhyme I busted out just this morning. Shit is hot.
AIDS: Good grief, not again. Why don't you get a job?

Gonorrhea: Yo yo I'm Gonorrhea,
I'm glad to see ya,
all the chicks think I'm large,
'cause I cause vaginal discharge,
I infect infants too, yeah that's right I'm tight,
and you can't stop me unless you got silver nitrate,
In ancient Greece, I meant "flow of seed,"
And if you don't believe that just Wiki me,
Back in the day, penicillin had its way,
But now I am a menace, and I feel stupendous…

AIDS: That's quite enough Gonorrhea.
HIV: Very good Tony. Reminiscent of Biggie, with maybe a touch of Snoop. You really are improving your own style.
Gonorrhea: Props to HIV who complimented me.
AIDS: Helen, since when do you listen to that infernal racket?
HIV: Go wait outside Henry, your cells are about to burst.
AIDS: Wha—well I—oh damn it all to hell.

AIDS exits, runs into Genital Warts.

Genital Warts: O hey there big fella, did I mith anything?
AIDS: Charles! You're late too?
Genital Warts: Thorry, had a little penicillin thcare back there. Had to hide out on a dingleberry till it was thafe.

Gonorrhea starts beatboxing inside the room.

Genital Warts: Oh my God! Is it beat boxing night?
AIDS: We don't have a beatboxing night!

Genital Warts rushes inside leaving AIDS by himself.

AIDS: I don't even know why I bother.