People on campus will tell you, "clubs are gay." You may have considered this sound advice since it came from your roommate, the gayest guy you know. The thing is, if all guys are operating under the assumption that all clubs are "gay" then doesn't that leave only chicks going to meetings?

Pick a Group: I suggest bible groups. The few guys in them are too respectful of women to take advantage of the plethora of self-righteous pussy God has bestowed upon them. That, and all the girls in them are too naive to know your sinful motives.

Grow a Beard: Also, wear sandals and a robe. Talk only in short philosophical phrases and answer all questions with another question. For example, "What are you wearing?", "What aren't I wearing?"

Attend the First Meeting in a Yarmulke: Stand still for a moment while everyone stares at you in complete silence, then suddenly rip it off your head and throw it across the room. Everyone will remain quiet for another second, before erupting in uncontrollable laughter. Now saunter over to the hottest girl in the room and sit down.

Pretend You Don't Get It: "I don't get it!" you'll whine. And ye shall be heard by the hot chick sitting next to you. Of course she'll offer the hilarious anti-Semitic Jesus some one-on-one help back in her dorm room.

Put It In: Although you'll probably have to tell her you will love her forever before she cheats on her boyfriend, God.

Return to Bible Study Next Week: Repent, repeat.