"Where are we going?" asked little Jonathan McUnderpants. God, he was so fucking annoying. Why is he even in the story?! I hate little kids! Whatever, I'll just go with it.
"We're going to the underwater dragon lair of socks and monkeys!" said Theodore the Horned Toad.
"The where?" asked Jonathan. See? Annoying.
"The underwater dragon lair of socks and monkeys! It's where all small children go to find out if they have some sort of hideous, life-threatening disease!"
"I thought they went to a hospital to do that!"
"Just shut the fuck up, kid. God, no wonder they laughed when I agreed to take you."
The two of them reluctantly trudged over a landscape of cheese puffs and corpses of marshmallow men fallen during the great S'more War of 1844. Finally, they arrived at a great cave guarded by two malnourished Somali boys. The left was named Mumbata, and he was a dickhead.
"We're here!" said Theodore.
"But I thought you said it was underwater!"
"Goddammit, kid, who's doing the navigating here?!"
Mumbata approached the two travellers and asked for the password. Theodore promptly punched him in the face and proceeded through the entrance. "Little fucker deserved it," he would later explain.
Theodore and Jonathan walked miles and miles through the dark, treacherous cave. Jonathan would constantly interrupt their journey with bothersome questions like, "How long till we get there?" and, "My feet hurt!"
It'll be worth it in the end, Theodore kept reminding himself.
And it was worth it, because two days into the journey through the cave, Jonathan died of starvation.