That ball was almost in the dirt! Are you blind, ump?!

I mean, seriously, how is that a strike?! It was nowhere near the plate! Zambrano's thrown that pitch at least 5 times for a ball all game, and now you're gonna call this a strike? Call it both ways, blue!

I swear, these umps are fixing games just so the Cubs can't win another World Series. I mean, did you just see that pitch?! It was so low and inside I'm surprised it didn't hit him! He should be ejected!

Hey, blue! Toss him! At least give him a warning, ya pussy!

Oh sh*t, I think he heard me. Quick, duck! Did he turn back? Is he gone? Ok, good, I knew that pussy wouldn't do anything. He knows better than to mess with a Cubs fan. I've been pounding Old Styles all game, I'd probably end up paralyzing him or something.

But anyways, back to that pitch. Is this guy serious? Did he just get called up from the minor leagues of umpires? He's a joke, I could call a better game than him. For instance, that last pitch would've been a ball in my book. And that pitch last inning that Theriot checked his swing on and they called a strike? Remember that one? When I hurled a string of expletives and kicked the seat in front of us? Yea, that would've been a ball as well.

God, maybe I should just become an umpire. That would solve so many problems. I wonder if they'd let me be one even though I'm such a hard core Cubs fan. I should probably leave that off my application. Tell them I don't like baseball at all, I just need a job to support my family. No, that's stupid, they wouldn't buy it…

Ok, here comes the replay of that pitch, just watch. Watch it almost hit him. See, right when he swings his bat he moves his front foot to avoid the pitch. Honestly, how is that strike?