Everyone knows about Pre-Menstrual Syndrome in women. A week or so before menstruation, something gets fucked up with a woman's hormones, and a series of unfortunate changes envelop her, similar to the werewolf under a full moon.
Scientists now have discovered a similar syndrome in members of the opposite sex. Men have been experiencing Pre-Masturbation Syndrome for years, but its scientific qualities have not been understood until most recently. Below is a chart depicting some of the similarites between the two syndromes.
|Symptom||Female PMS||Male PMS|
|Anger||Hormones aren't working||Internet isn't working|
|Crying||occurs at random intervals||usually only after self-stimulation, unless tears needed for lubricant|
|Stomach Cramps||caused by contracting muscles in the fallopian tubes||a plea for help from tired testicles before 9th man-to-hand session this week|
|Nausea||probably from aforementioned cramps||definitely from trying to watch that new Screech porno|
|Paranoid||about current relationships||about the return of his roommate|
|Blood loss prevention||tampon or pad for vaginal discharge||wristband for cut marks, you pathetic, lonely, emo freak.|
I hope this chart answers any questions you may have had about Pre-Masturbation Syndrome and its relationship to the other PMS. Guys, it's ok to talk about it now. But I wouldn't.