Hello my feisty friends. I hope you're ready to talk some trash, because the celebs deserve it. I deserve it! We all do. Let it rip. These Hollywood bitches be crazy, so let's get their nuttiness over and finish off with some well deserved hotness.

Okay, let's start with the craziest and the ugliest. Marilyn Manson – aka that guy you picked on in high school who is now way richer than you – is being sued by his former keyboard player because he apparently never paid the dude, and instead spent his money on old Nazi artifacts, taxidermy (that's animal heads, folks) and the skeleton of a Chinese girl. Holy what the eff. Need I remind you that Manson is currently divorced from a hot burlesque dancer (Dita Von Teese) and making luv to 19-year old actress Evan Rachel Wood. The skeleton probably watches them bone. Eek. [WWTDD]

Oh, precious Lindsay Lohan. Apparently the world's hottest coke-nose gets a little cocky when she gets drunk/high/more drunk, and used to rag on other Hollywood actresses, touting her own awesomeness. She called Scarlett Johansson fat and Jessica Simpson dumb. I don't know, she sounds kind of smart when she's fucked up. [WWTDD]

And then, there's this:

These are old pics of Brit (taken right before the head shaving party), but just have a good look and remember that she is a mom. Of kids. Now I'll lend you my puke bucket to vomit in. [Egotastic]

Britney is getting sued by some photographers because she verbally threatened to kill them when they were taking pictures or her and her son Sean. This was as her bodyguard was kicking their asses in a major beatdown. By kill, Britney means she is going to suffocate them with that giant ass. [IDLYITW]

Hold on to that puke bucket. Tom and Katie, better known when they put their mangina and vagina together as TomKat, want to do a naked photoshoot in a magazine to show their sexy side…or drive us all to mass suicide. Here is what it could look like… a gay man and a robot getting humpy.

At least it made cute little Suri! [IDLYITW, Celebrity Babylon]

Jessica Simpson's new movie, Blonde Ambition, is SO bad, it's going straight to video. For some reason, this brings me immense joy. She should have never attempted to act, and now God is punishing her for trying. She should have been happy being Nick Lachey's housewife/occasional fuck toy. Watch the trailer here and get in on the JSimps hateration. [IDLYITW]

Paris Hilton has supposedly been cut out of her rich grandfather's will, to the tune of $60 million. Ouch! That's $60 mil more than I inherited. But, as we all know, "Paris is a business woman," and she already has her own dough. And if she ever gets low on cash, she can just start charging for those HJs. Or sell one of her 10,000,000 dogs. [NinjaDude, CelebSlam]

And now…..

Wait…first, Hayden Panettiere picking her wedgie and smelling it. [NinjaDude]

And now, Hayden in a bikini…smelling her phone? [Egotastic]

In case you forgot, The Hills is back on MTV on August 13th. Here's a preview:

Seriously, it's as if Heidi wants us to watch. And we will! Here's to hoping that she dumps Spencer. [HollywoodTuna]

Stay out of that Chocolate Rain, friends. It'll drive you crazy.

Love and Tay Zonday,

[Images: Egotastic, IDLYITW, CelebSlam, NinjaDude, Egotastic, HollywoodTuna]