Dave Chappelle: Hey Carlos, how’s it goin man?
Carlos Mencia: It’s pretty bueno Dave. Yourself?
Dave Chappelle: …Umm, yea, it’s all good.
Carlos Mencia: So what’s up?
Dave Chappelle: Look man, I came here to talk to you about your show.
Carlos Mencia: Yea, it’s pretty funny, huh? It’s like a continuation of your show!
Dave Chappelle: Well, not so much. See, Carlos, on my show I explored the cultural differences between black and white people…
Carlos Mencia: Yea, I do that too, except I mock a whole lot more races, like Terrorists! And I make fun of the retarded as well!
Dave Chappelle: Ok, see there it is right there: whenever I joked about something, I didn’t so much mock it as bring it to light in a humorous way. You just sort of cling on to stereotypes and mercilessly deride them while saying “dee-dee-dee,” or whatever the hell you call it. And “Terrorist” isn’t a race, by the way.
Carlos Mencia: Well, I’m a minority too vato! What gives you the right to satirize white people and not me?
Dave Chappelle: Seriously?
Carlos Mencia: …Yea…
Dave Chappelle: Sigh Look man, us black people have been subjugated by white folks for—
Carlos Mencia: Subju-what?
Dave Chappelle: It means repressed. Anyways, we have been repressed for a long time. By showing the differences between our cultures, I’m trying to let my people finally be able to laugh at it.
Carlos Mencia: Well, I’m doing the same thing holmes! I make fun of other races so my people can laugh.
Dave Chappelle: And who exactly are your “people” there Carlos? Hondurans? Germans, possibly?
Carlos Mencia: Uhh, heh heh, what are you talking about there Dave? I’m from the barrio! I’m a Beaner! Remember?
Dave Chappelle: No, not really there, Ned. Look, I won’t blow the top off your whole “not-really-being-Mexican-but-pretending-to-be-one-so-you-can-say-beaner” scheme you’ve got going here, but you’ve got to stop spouting all this racism. You’re no better than Michael Richards, it’s just that you have dark skin so somehow people think it’s acceptable for you to be a racist.
Carlos Mencia: I’m not racist though! I point out cultural differences too! Like that one skit I had, where I was a Hindu convenience store clerk and made fun of a Redneck for buying beer and a black man for trying to rob me! That’s just good satire!
Dave Chappelle: No, see that’s just making fun of stereotypes. A six-year-old coulda written that.
Carlos Mencia: Well you did that Racial Draft! How is that not racist?!
Dave Chappelle: Because it was intelligent humor showing how racial groups are protective of their own people and envious of others. I’m not surprised the joke escaped you.
Carlos Mencia: …I’ll…escape…you…
Dave Chappelle: Brilliant. Just brilliant man. Look, I just thought I’d let you know how I felt. No hard feelings, just, you know, try to be funnier and not so racist.
Carlos Mencia: Yes sir…
Dave Chappelle: And stop shouting at your viewers. They’re not deaf.
Carlos Mencia: Ok…
Dave Chappelle: And your “retard” impression isn’t funny at all. Have you ever seen an actual mentally-handicapper person?
Carlos Mencia: No sir…
Dave Chappelle: Didn’t think so. Clean up the act Ned. Bye.
Carlos Mencia: Adios. I mean, bye.