A group of soldiers, in various states of repose are gathered around a clearing, talking.

Sarge: Alright! Form up men! Kenders, why are you kneeling? York, stand up! Why are you just laying there?

York: I, I can't, Sarge.

Kenders: I don't know, Sarge! I can't move my legs.

Sarge: Put your bazooka away, soldier! There's no enemy here.

Kenders: Sarge, I…I can't! I'm frozen.

Sarge: The rest of you, what are you doing? Why are you all pointing your guns at me?

Thompson: There's nothing I can do. There's nothing any of us can do! We're stuck!

Sarge: Stuck?!?

Thompson: So are you Sarge, you're aiming your flamethrower at all of us.

Sarge: My God! What's happened to us? What curse has bedeviled us?!?

York: At least we're all battle-ready.

Kenders: Sarge, my bazooka doesn't work? See?

He pulls the trigger. Nothing happens.


Sarge: Don't do that! You're aiming right at me!

Thompson: Mine doesn't work either.

He pulls the trigger. Again, nothing happens.

Sarge: Mine either. How in the holy hell are we going to take the Desk from our enemies without working weapons and we're all frozen in place too?

Thompson: The Desk, sir? That's our objective.

Sarge: Yes, but it looks like there's no way we're getting off the Bed in this shape. I doubt any of you will be able to scale the Pillows without the use of your legs.

York: I might be able to slide on my stomach.

Sarge: Useless, it's all useless.

Kenders: Why do we have to take the Desk? What strategic purpose does it serve?

Sarge: Ours is not to reason why soldier! I just know that's where the enemy is and that they're in control of a powerful weapon.

Thompson: What weapon?

Sarge: A death ray.

York: A death ray?

Sarge: Yes, remember Grelko? Remember how he was telling us about his wife and kids at home when his face just melted off?

Kenders: It haunts my dreams.

Sarge: Mine too, soldier, mine too. Now we have to take the Desk, secure the weapon and God help any of those green bastards that get in our way!

York: Hoo-rah!

Thompson: Green?

Sarge: Yes, our enemy is the Green Scourge Army.

Thompson: I thought we were the Green Scourge Army. I mean, we're all green.

Sarge: Ours is not to reas…wait, you're right. We're all GREEN! Them and us!!

Kenders: You mean…?

Sarge: We've been fighting ourselves this whole time…Our own men. They killed Grelko. WE killed Grelko. Our lives are cursed.

Kenders: I…I just don't know, Sarge. What's the point of it all? I want to go home.

Sarge: I don't know soldier. Politics always get in the way of good soldiering.

York: I wish we were fighting the Indians again, or the Spacemen. We knew who the enemy was then. Hell, even the Dinosaurs are better than this.

Thompson: What's that Oh God! Help me! Help me!

Thompson is dragged away screaming.

Kenders: Oh God! The giant beast got him! Just like Peterson, last week.

Sarge: Cry for him later.

Thompson is dropped back amongst the men. He is covered in saliva and bite marks.

Thompson: Tell my family, I loved them.

Sarge: You were a great soldier, Thompson. A hero. You all are.

York: I hope I get the Death Ray before the Beast gets me…

Sarge: Stow it.

Kenders: I don't want to fight anymore, Sarge. It all just feels so pointless.

Sarge: I know soldier, I know. God help us all.