Ever had an Exotic Dancer make you breakfast? No? I have. Well, let me tell you, its delicious. You see, dancers are known for their ability to bring a rowdy bunch of men to their knees by just meerly jiggling a little mammary  at fine entertainment venues like: Flashdancers (in NYC) and Rick's Caberet (Houston). My point is that strippers are people too, guys. Yes, your dollars are like quarters in the little mechanical horse ride outside your local supermarket, except in a lap dance its the other way around…and its going to take about 200 quarters for the experience to be enjoyable and economical for both dancer and 'big lucky 21st birthday boy.'

But what happens when Exotic Dancer comes home from a rough 3 week swing on the east coast? Does Exotic Dancer go to the gym? Hit the bars to party with her friendz LoL??/? What does she do? Well, I'm about to tell you.

Having been on the road with Kayla Kleevage in such destinations as Manhattan, NY, Garland, TX, and San Francisco, CA; I can attest that the home life of an Exotic Dancer is…well…normal. Yeah, thats it. You see, they are just average people too…with not so average cup sizes. Sure she appeared on The Jerry Springer Show and Montel Williams on numerous occasions by the time I was in high school. Kayla, or "Kimmie" as she has been known to me the past 15 years is just your average step-mom. She makes great potatoes-au-gratin, and occasionally breaks the yolks of my sunny-side up eggs. Her brownies are exquisite…and yes, all her friends are Exotic Dancers too. Which means most get-togethers result in cheap wine buzzes and verbal bashing of shitty topless club managers around the country. Here is a picture that I came across on CollegeHumor which inspired me to write this. Kimmie is on the left and her friend "Minka Mellons" is the 2nd from the right.

Yep, Minka has this bad habit of coming over to family BBQs and eating all the grilled shrimp that I prepare for dinner, I think it has something to do with the fact she is Korean…but Minka is just a normal housewive too…with size a EEE chest. She makes a pretty good Corned Beef. Oh, and BTW, Minka's daughter is an Exotic Dancer too. Shes 19, 5'6'' about 105 lbs…brn hair…if you've seen "Sidney Sweetheart" dancing in Socal…tell me…I'm going to beat her druggie boyfriends ass…she was mine first.

Yep, Exotic Dancers go out on the town from time to time. Here is a photo of a family outing to the Harley-Davidson Cafe in Las Vegas. (L to R) Kimmie, Me, and Candy Apples. Candy is nice. Her daughter is gorgeous too, but her 2 kids prompted me to reconsider that date proposition. I guess you could say that makes Candy a pretty smokin' gramma.

So, having given this brief look into our personal life. The relationship that Kimmie and I share as step-mom and step-son is great. It isn't the slightest bit odd. After all, she can put a Paris Hilton nip slip to shame and we've been from Hawaii to NYC together. She enjoys taking care of my friends when they visit. They all love her. And what can I say? I love her too. Thanks Kimmie for being there…oh, and can I borrow the suburban tonight?