Sometimes I like to review ten year-old songs that would have been much more topical in 1997. This is one of those times.

Ironic – Alanis Morissette

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic … don't you think?
First of all, dying at age 98 is not ironic. In fact, that is what a majority of 98 year-olds do. Real (and AWESOME) irony would be the person complaining about a black fly in the Chardonnay and then instantly dying from complications due to several black fly bites.
And the death row pardon? That's just stupid, Alanis. Why would a case be reviewed immediately after the execution? If you're on death row, you probably did something that deserves being executed anyway. Like writing this song.

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought … it figures
Rain on your wedding day? Not ironic. Crappy luck maybe.

The good advice that you just didn't take? Advice like "Hey, don't get married in Seattle during April"? Then you wouldn't have had rain on your wedding day, dumbass. That's probably the furthest thing from irony I've ever heard.

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice…'
And isn't it ironic … don't you think
I'm pretty sure that's not what "Mr. Play It Safe" was thinking as he dropped to the ground in a fiery aircraft. He was probably thinking more along the lines of "Holy fucking shit, this mothereffing plane is crashing! I waited my whole life to take this flight! And now I'm seconds away from certain death to leave my children without a father! Panic! But even during my horrible, life ending predicament, I fully realize this is not irony whatsoever!"

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought … it figures
The only irony that is found in this song is that there is no amount of irony even though the title of the song is Ironic. Now that's irony.

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
Yes, most notably the burning shrapnel now stuck in Mr. Play It Safe's face.

It's a traffic jam when you're already late
Unless the traffic jam is caused by several cars who drove off the rode trying to understand how you thought anything in this song was ironic, this line is not ironic.

It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
Alright Alanis, now you're just being picky with silverware. I frequently eat cereal with a fork when there's no clean dishes… it's not a big deal. Now not only are you an idiot, but a huge drama queen.

It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic… don't you think
A little too ironic… and yeah I really do think…
Too angry…. can't continue….