Nothing is more important than getting the right seat on the first day of class.  Use the chart below to determine which seat will fit you best when you show up for the first day of classes next week. 

Only sit in this area if you are teaching the class.  This is very important to remember.

These seats are good for the visually impaired, since anything written the board will be easier to see from up close.  If you're a visually impaired ass-kisser, these seats are doubly good.

This is the seat for the kid that nobody is sure will show up today.  If you ask if anyone is sitting in that seat you'll be met by a chorus of I-think-he-just-went-to-the-bathroom's or I-saw-him-in-the-hallway's from the desks nearby.

These desks are commonly occupied by students who enjoy turning around in their chairs and asking questions like, "What did professor Williams just say?" or "Did you get the notes from the last lab?  I missed half of it."

If you are a visable minority, you'll want to sit here.  Notice I said "want to" instead of "be forced to."  Isn't progress wonderful?

You should sit here if you've been forced to take this class either as a requirement or because you couldn't get into the class you wanted.  Also, you'll want to complain about this fact to anyone sitting near you.  Trust me, everybody wants to hear the thrilling tale of tragedy and adventure you'll weave surrounding the events of you forgetting to register by the registration deadline.  Fascinating!

Sit here if you're a hot girl.

Sit here if you're the hot girl's flagrantly gay best friend who only took this class because you guys are "totes BFFs forevs."  Also sit here if you're her straight friend who has been trying to mount up on her for months but have gotten nothing but friendly rejections.  Honestly, you'd probably have a better shot with her if you pretend to be gay.

These seats are good for staring at the hot girl's coin slot as it peeks out of the top of her low-cut jeans.  Be warned however, if you sit here you have a 29% chance of failing the class.

Sit here if you're an arrogant, argumentative dickhead who disagrees with everything the professor says and enjoys nothing more than interrupting lectures and discussions with your inane, annoying, somewhat-racist opinions.  Also, kill yourself.

Sit here if you enjoy accidentally knocking people's books off their desks as you clumsily try to navigate to the back row. These seats are also good if you like getting your jacket sleeve caught on the backs of chairs or saying "excuse me…excuse me…shit, sorry, I'll pick that up."