Tired of having no idea why the cable guy is pounding the housewife instead of repairing the cable because you have to place your pornos on mute?  Just print this up and stick it under your computer monitor and you’ll be filled in on all the goings-on of your adult film.

Man:  Oh yea, just like that…
Woman:  Like that?
Man:  Yeaaaa…
Woman:  Ooh, you’re so big.  Smack my ass…
em>Smack
Woman:  Again…
em>Smack
Woman:  Yessssss…
Man:  Oh, it’s so tight, yeaaa.
Woman:  I wanna taste my ass.
Man:  Wanna taste your ass?
Woman:  I wanna taste my ass.
Man:  Taste your ass you naughty slut.
Woman:  Ohh, it tastes like my ass.  Gimme some more.
Man:  Want some more?
Woman:  Yea, gimme more…oooh, yea.  You’re so huge.
Man:  Ohhh yea.
Woman:  Bring in the goat.
Man:  You want the goat?
Woman:  Get my goat.
Goat:  (Indecipherable braying)
Woman:  Stick it in the goat.
Man:  Ohhhh….yea…so nice and warm.
Goat:  (Louder indecipherable braying, most likely due to being penetrated)
Woman:  I’m gonna milk the goat.
Man:  You’re gonna milk the goat?
Woman:  I’m gonna milk it.
Man:  You milk that goat you slut.
Woman:  Yea…you like that, don’t you, goat?
Goat:  (Confused indecipherable braying, most likely due to being penetrated and milked simultaneously)
Man:  Where do you want it?
Woman:  On the goat.  Get him good.
Man:  *Groan*  Unnhhhh….ohhh….yeaaaa.
Goat:  (Angry indecipherable braying, most likely due to being the target for the money shot)