Now most of the stuff I'm about to say may shock you. It may even scare you. But I have to say it because it's true, at least for the majority of guys, despite what any of them say. Of course, any guy would deny it to another guy, but when it comes down to it, we've all got these guilty pleasures that take away from our manliness. Now I may be just a closet fag, (and I still think you're wrong about that mom) but here's my list of guilty pleasures.
1. Shopping Have you guys ever noticed how much fun shopping is? It's like wow, this shirt would look bangin' on me, or these shoes are fabulous I mean pretty sick! If a girl asks us if we want to go to the mall we may say something like "I guess, but I was gonna do some push ups" but inside we're really thinking "Hell yeah I wanna go shopping, there's a sale at Ralph Lauren and I gots me a coupon for half off!"
Or you're walking by J. Crew and you stop and say, "Hey, let's just go in, just 'cause it's on the way and we have time to kill" when you're really eyeing that pastel colored button down shirt. Pastel is so in this season. You just know that would go great with those plaid shorts you bought at Banana Republic last week.
2. TV - Every now and then you're flipping through channels and up comes Oprah or Ellen. No one is around you, so you decide to watch a little, and surprise surprise the shows are pretty addicting. Watching Oprah makes your problems seem insignificant compared to her guests. Suddenly your decision over what to buy with your forty dollars a sweater from Abercrombie & Fitch or a fleece from the North Face seems insignificant as you watch a child molesting uncle make amends with his emotionally scarred niece.
Plus it's pretty fun watching "Sex and the City" or "the L Word". It's like research into the minds of women. You get a feeling like you're cheating on a test with all the free info you get on women's emotions and shit.
Another big hit is the Cooking Channel. Watching those chefs create a masterpiece of an entree in only half an hour is simply marvelous. Did I say simply marvelous? I meant fucking awesome!
3. Going Out You like to get all fancy when you go out, spending almost as much time as a girl on your hair. Depending on your ethnicity White, Latino, or African American you'll throw on some styling gel, half a bottle of mouse, or afro-sheen, respectively. You'll put on your slacks, your finest shirt and kicks, then drench yourself in an ungodly amount of Axe body spray.
4. Music You more than tolerate music like Coldplay, Gwen Stefani, and Hillary Duff, to name just a few. Now you'd never admit this in front of your fellas, but I see you tapping your feet to the beat and getting into it. Sometimes it just feels right and stirs up all these emotions. It can make you want to drop everything and just dance all night long! No, not dance all night long. I meant bang a really hot chick all night long! Definitely banging! Not dancing. I'm not gay.
5. Cuddling There's no better feeling like cuddling with someone you care about. Sometimes I like to be on the little spoon. it makes me feel like a baby being cradled by my mommy. That scenario usually ends up with a lot of crying and a deep dark confession.
Kidding! I'm not gay. Seriously.
Spooning can be a lot of fun though, but make sure you're on the outside of the girl, otherwise it'd just be really really weird. Sometimes, what I like to do is let her know when I'm ready to get down and dirty by giving her a little "poke" in the back. Did I say little? I meant humongous!
So there you have it. Don't deny it, you're guilty of at least one of these, but now you know that most guys are too. So next time you walk in on your bud watching Oprah and flipping through Vogue and he says, "Oh, uh I was just about to watch some porn and football dude" just walk over to him and say, "I know man, I know", then punch him in the stomach and say, "It's for your own good faggot!"