While we college students are legally considered adults and college is intended to be a time of mental development, the maturity level of the average college student is no higher than that of the kindergartener. College students eventually develop into mature, responsible, intelligent people, but most use their actual college years to relive the jackassery of their younger days. When your parents are paying $30,000+ for you to act like a 5 year old, life is pretty sweet. So behold, a list of ways in which college is just like kindergarten:
1. You hook up
Remember back in kindergarten when you ran around chasing girls and kissing them? Well, not much has changed, except now you’re drunk and have figured out what that dangley thing between your legs is for.
2. You take naps
Then and now, you can’t make it through the day without one.
3. The work is bullshit
In Kindergarten, you drew ponies. Now, you enroll in “Conflicts of Gender and Identity on Wheel of Fortune.” Tomato, tomahto.
4. You’re broke
When you’re in college, the excitement you feel upon discovering a dollar in the pocket of your pants is much like that of a five year old child. And whether you’re buying pot or legos, you’re going to need to hit your parents up for money.
5. You get naked in public
You may not have called it “streaking” back then, but every college/kindergarten student knows that sometimes, you’ve just got to hang out with your wang out (or jam out with your clam out, for the ladies out there).
6. You pride yourself on your ability to ingest disgusting things
Let’s face it, is bragging about being able to throw down 20 vodka shots or eating a nice big bowl of beereal really that different than bragging about being able to eat 20 nightcrawlers?
7. You hurt yourself in the dumbest ways possible
Whether 5 or 20, being triple-dog-dared is a perfectly legitimate excuse for jumping off the roof wearing a sheet as a cape. Speaking of which…
8. You play dress-up
Guys, when you were little, you snuck into your dad’s closet to try on his suits and feel like an adult. Girls, you grabbed your mom’s makeup kit and haphazardly smeared lipstick and eye shadow all over your face. Either way, you do pretty much the same thing for SAE’s totally effing sick CEO’s and Office Ho’s party, and you still look just as ridiculous.
9. You neglect basic hygiene
In college, mom isn’t around anymore to force you to take baths or brush your teeth. Your kindergarten self is pretty much the only person who would be proud of the fact that you haven’t showered in 4 days.
10. You eat glue.
It's still delicious.
11. Creepy adults touch your pee-pee.
Back then, it was Uncle Jeff. Now, it's your psych professor, because you really, really need that A. I mean, everyone knows what I'm talking about, right? Right, guys?