You've heard the times the excuse worked. Here are some that didn't
At the Hospital
Doctor: Hello there, what seems to be the problem?
Patient: Well, I started feeling a little nauseous recently, and I threw up a little. I think I have a stomach infection.
Doctor: Well, that would fit the symptoms
Patient: So I took an antibiotic and it seems to have gone away.
Doctor: Wow, thats exactly what you should have done have you gone to medical school? You sound like a doctor
Patient: Medical school? No, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night
Doctor: Ok. If you don't mind, I'd like to take some tests just to be sure
A little while later
Doctor: You have AIDS
At the bank
Teller: What would you like to do today, Sir?
Guy: I'd like to take some money out, please
Teller: Ok, can you please tell me- (gunshots ring out)
Robber: Ok, no one move! All we want is the money! If no one moves, then no one gets hurt!
Guy: Oh, no you don't (Singlehandedly takes out robbers, knocks them out)
Teller: Oh my god! that was incredible! Are you a police officer?
Guy: Police office? No, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Teller: Oh, ok. That's cool, I guess.
(One of the robbers wakes up, shoots them both)
Guy: Ouchies, that's gonna sting