You've heard the times the excuse worked. Here are some that didn't

At the Hospital

Doctor: Hello there, what seems to be the problem?

Patient: Well, I started feeling a little nauseous recently, and I threw up a little. I think I have a stomach infection.

Doctor: Well, that would fit the symptoms …

Patient: So I took an antibiotic and it seems to have gone away.

Doctor: Wow, thats exactly what you should have done … have you gone to medical school? You sound like a doctor

Patient: Medical school? No, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night

Doctor: … Ok. If you don't mind, I'd like to take some tests just to be sure

A little while later …

Doctor: You have AIDS

At the bank

Teller: What would you like to do today, Sir?

Guy: I'd like to take some money out, please

Teller: Ok, can you please tell me- (gunshots ring out)

Robber: Ok, no one move! All we want is the money! If no one moves, then no one gets hurt!

Guy: Oh, no you don't … (Singlehandedly takes out robbers, knocks them out)

Teller: Oh my god! that was incredible! Are you a police officer?

Guy: Police office? No, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Teller: Oh, … ok. That's cool, I guess.

(One of the robbers wakes up, shoots them both)

Guy: Ouchies, that's gonna sting