Hey! It's almost September! Who is already back at school? Who's already back at school and hooking up? Who just wants to see Beyonce flash her boobs in concert?

Here you go. [Egotastic]

If you're back at school and feeling homesick or depressed, give a listen to Britney Spears' new song. It will make you feel really good about your life – and your ability to sing better than her. [DListed]

If you're hooking up currently, hopefully it's with a man or woman hotter than this:

Yes that is Britney without a wig or extensions. Britney au nasty. She's so f*ckable, it hurts. [WWTDD]

So remember how Jessica Alba was all single and ready to bone you? Well she's not anymore. She's back with her EX, the luckiest loser around. Gotta act faster, chump! [WWTDD]

Today Lindsay Lohan plead guilty to nine misdemeanor charges against her from her two DUIs. She also released a statement admitting that she was a drug and alcohol addict. So it's interesting that she may have been spotted buying beer in Utah – where she's in rehab. Why don't they chain these hos down? [IDLYITW]

Maybe she was just buying booze for her fellow drunk driver Bill Murray. Your dad's favorite actor was arrested in Sweden for drunk driving. A GOLF CART. He is like a totally cool grandfather or a fourteen year-old douchebag. [IDLYITW]

Good news: Jenna Jameson removed her breast implants!
Bad news: She still looks just as fucking scary. [Egotastic]

Cracked out Brit rocker Pete Doherty has a bunch of kittens, and after one fell ill and went to the vet, blood tests revealed that the cat had cocaine in it's system. What do you even say about this? We are all better humans than this guy. I mean, I blow pot smoke in my cat's face and let her drink a tiny cup of beer. But COCAINE? Please! [NinjaDude]

I am a huge fan of the boring snoozefest that is The Hills, but I can't quite figure out Audrina. Is she hot? Why does she work at that reception job? Was she really just a random girl LC met or was she a plant? And why is she dating that douchebag Justin Bobby? Anyway, here's a pic of her looking too skinny. [CelebSlam]

Amazingly, Hayden Panettiere is not in jail, rehab or pregnant. She's just…normal. Something about that feels so wrong. She also just turned eighteen. Now THAT feels right. [HollywoodTuna]

Tom Brady's actress/exgirlfriend Bridget Moynahan finally had their baby. Do you think she named it KillGiselle? [ WWTDD, HollywoodTuna]

Thankfully Sienna Miller still keeps it real and shows us her boobs. [WWTDD]

I'm off to booze it up in Maine. That is the way life should be, friends.