So it's nearing the end of break, however these last few days you still have access to a car. Or if you're like me, your car has been in the shop for the past week with a pair of frozen brake calipers. This may seem like an inconvenience, however without these blessings in disguise, you miss out on one of the most enjoyable possessions a college student can have. The loaner car. Here is a list of some of the more enjoyable things to do with your newly acquired peice of american steel with which you have no responsibility for.


  • Drive to Illinois and win back your ex-girlfriend who dumped you because of the distance. Alright, really because you're a stalking freak, but the distance avoids all that fighting. And lawsuits. However, now you have a great oppurtunity to prove to her your undying love by driving 18 hours to show off to all her new, cooler college friends your (slightly) new, 1984 Pontiac GrandAM. Everyone knows toape is in. And those strawberry air-fresheners just drive the ladies crazy. You'll have so many cowgirls, you'll have to fight them away.

  • One of the biggest problems with being at home is no place to party. You and all your old high school friends wanna show off all the new drinking tricks you learned at your respective colleges. But with nowhere to party, you're all at a loss. With the loaner car, this problem is quickly solved. Throw a frat. But small, because the backseat is missing and you wanna make sure everyone has a place to sit. 30 or 40 people should do it. And don't worry about the pungent odor of Keystone. The dealer won't be able to smell it over the previous stench of redneck and orgy left over by the previous driver.

  • You know that awsome hill in your town that "everyone has gotten, like, atleast 5 feet of air" off of? Well, we all know you have too, but you didn't wanna risk trashing your car again to actually show anyone since the last time you came pretty close to wrecking. Luckily your "basically Evil Knievel", so the first time it was spared. But you still gotta save face. Now you have the means. So what the loaner car has been capped to not push past 4000RPM's. You can make 60. The airbags will work, trust me. Send the video to MTV, shit like that made the Jack Ass guys millionaires, why not you?

  • Drive to Newark and perform a drive-by with your old best friend from high school. Us college students need to develope a much better street rep. And if you get caught, say your friend had the gun and he made you drive. So what if he gets thrown in jail, you have better friends at college anyways.
    There are many other inventive things to do with that mid-size sadan of beauty. Just be creative. And stupid. Both are a requirement. Otherwise it's just boring. Or worse, legal.