Amir: A terrible way to start off the Jewish New Year
Ethan: I guess we have to talk about Belichick's cameras. Going on the commentary I've read elsewhere, this cheating signals the end of humanity as we know it. Not only are the Pats' titles tainted, the entire world's morality is. Repent now and save your soul, sinner.
Amir: Who do you think is worse, Belichick or Hitler? According to most articles I've read the jury is still out. Though I'm leaning towards Hitler.
Ethan: I won't be happy until they jail him for life.
Amir: Hitler or Belicheck?
Ethan: Belicheck. He's football's equivalent of O.J. Simpson. I can't wait for this story to go away. Yeah, they cheated, but it's annoying to have New England fans on one side acting like it's not a big deal and that everyone's just jealous of the Pats and on the other side hyperbole-spouting sportswriters. It is what it is, but if you expect me to be impressed by the Pats beating the Chargers at home, try again.
Amir: You're starting to sound like Belichick. "Sure we won by 24 but we're gonna go look at the tape and correct stuff. Next week is Buffalo and we want to beat them by a million."
Ethan: Given the complexity of their taping venture, the Pats must have had some other plans in place, too. No New England win will impress me now. Or were you drawn in by it?
Amir: I really don't care. Most ex coaches have come out since camera-gate calling sign stealing not a big deal. Aren't there more pertinent issues in football to discuss? Like how the hell are the Texans 2-0?
Ethan: I like the Texans. They're built to go the distance. Granted, Houston hasn't played the toughest schedule, but they're much improved and get four games against the Titans and Jags, which aren't killers. I could see them sniffing at a wild card. Of course, I also picked the Jets to win the AFC East, so I'm an idiot.
Amir: What do you think happens first: New England loses a game or Notre Dame winning one?
Ethan: I think you mean "Notre Dame scoring a touchdown." They're amazingly bad. It's especially clear because they're Notre Dame, but no matter who this team is, they look historically bad. I'm pretty sure Temple could beat them by three TDs. Is Charlie Weis no longer a genius? Did he leave his playbook at a buffet somewhere?
Amir: You can't teach skill.
Ethan: Or width.
Amir: I am looking forward to two games this year: Notre Dame vs. USC to see if there is a mercy rule in football nobody knows about. Or maybe when you reach 100 you go back to 0? And Notre Dame vs. Duke because I want to see how many overtimes there can be before a game ends in a 0-0 draw.
Ethan: I'm pretty sure ND-Duke will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Amir: I feel like I'm cursed. I'm gonna start the Browns defense next week just to see if my Raiders will score 51 against them. I mean, how bad must you feel about your playoff hopes when you give up five touchdowns to Derek Anderson. That's the equivalent of 15-20 Peyton touchdowns in a single game.
Ethan: I miss the old Bengals. Not the ones from two seasons ago, but those epically terrible teams from the mid-90's. I think they may be coming back. Jamal Lewis hasn't run that well since he was being chased around a prison's exercise yard. Can the Bengals make the playoffs?
Amir: No. The football gods would not allow it. Bears and Bengals should join forces though, they would make one unstoppable team and one terrible team.
Ethan: Tell me honestly, and this isn't just because I grew up a Wildcats fan: Kentucky over Louisville was one of the year's best games so far, right? I'm ready to give Andre Woodson the Heisman right now. And as an added bonus, you get to be the new franchise QB for the Falcons! It's everything you've dreamed of. Or, more clearly, it's everything Byron Lefwich ever dreamed of.
Amir: Sorry, I didn't get to watch that game because I don't have the Outdoor Life Channel, I was too busy watching MICHIGAN NOTRE DAME! THE GAME OF THE CENTURY!
Ethan: I'm not even sure Notre Dame wanted to win. I'm starting to ask they same thing about the Mets. Are the Phillies going to catch them? (Hint: yes.)
Amir: If last night was any indication it appears as though Phillies are never going to lose again and the Mets are never going to win again. I know baseball is a marathon and not a sprint, but the Red Sox and Mets are really stumbling towards the finish line here. Does momentum matter?
Ethan: I don't think so, but as a Phillies fan, I'm pulling for the Nats to sweep the Mets tonight. I'll wear a Nook Logan jersey to my own wedding if they do. The Sox are a different story, though. Remember when Eric Gagne's whole entry theme was "Game Over"? It still holds, just that the other team wins whenever he comes in. I'm starting to think either the Tribe or Angels are going to sneak through the AL.
Amir: No love for the Yankees?
Ethan: Don't be stupid. No. Got an interesting fact for the week? And I already told them about the drubbing I gave you in fantasy, so that one won't work.
Amir: I stumbled across this Wikipedia gem: John Lynch, you know, the white guy on Denver's defense, threw out the first pitch for the Marlins organization and his jersey is in the baseball Hall of Fame because of it. He's also Herm Edward's son's godfather.
Ethan: Good thing Herm's got someone else looking out for his kids. With his clock management bedtime wouldn't be until four in the morning.
Amir: I can just imagine him watching over his kids during recess as they build lego castles while he berates them "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME! NOT TO HAVE FUN!"
Ethan: Or, in the Chiefs' case, to complete the game. Until next week, catch Texans fever!
Amir: They get the Schaub done right!
Amir and Ethan run a random sports jersey blog called StraightCashHomey.net. If the name Kevan Barlow, Hideki Irabu or Justin McCareins means anything to you, check it out.